The Worst Apartment Ever

Oh Craigslist, what did we do before you? How did we dispose of unwanted futons, find sexy/clean/buff SWMs to meet up with for casual, no strings attached oral, or pass the dull hours at work without your fascinating listings? Today, I was just perusing the New York apartment scene, as I often do, and I came across what must be the single worst apartment in the civilized world. I know, that's a big statement, so let me give you a lil taste. Here is the headline: " 2 Small Rooms for Rent in Apt Full of Cats".

...

See! Ok, here is the listing in full, because I'm sure it won't be up long. Who could resist the charm of an apartment in Brooklyn that is full of fucking cats!

"2 Small Rooms for Rent in Apt Full of Cats - South Slope

We have two small rooms for rent in a third floor sunny 2 bedroom apartment in South Slope Brooklyn (22nd St Between 5th & 6th Ave).

$500: Faces front of building, 7.5 x 9.5, one window, room for full bed/futon, dresser, closet.

$550: Faces rear of building, 9.7 x 9.6, two windows, room for queen bed/futon, dresser, closet.

The rooms can be furnished or unfurnished as needed.

The apartment is fully renovated. Hardwood floors in the bedrooms and living room. Tiled kitchen, new cabinets/counter. Ceiling fans in the living room, kitchen, and bedrooms so you may not need air conditioning (great cross breeze).

Heat, hot water, and electricity are included (you would pay extra if you want an air conditioner). If you want to use the stove, you will need to put the account in your name(s). There is an un-used cable in the apartment, otherwise there is no cable or internet service included with the rooms.

Please note that the kitchen, living room, and bathroom are shared with my seven cats and their furniture and toys (their litter box is in the bathtub). There is a futon, TV, VCR, and cheap stereo system in the living room. I come and go at all hours of the day and night to play with and care for my cats.

The bathroom toilet and sink in the apartment can be used but to take a shower you will need to go to the bathroom in the finished basement (modern, shower no tub). Dormitory style.

The nearest subway is local R at 25th Street and 4th Avenue but there are excellent connections to most other train lines. Shopping, banks, dining, laundry nearby. On street parking is good. Excellent quiet safe family block with 5th Avenue becoming more Park Slope every day.

Absolutely no smokers, no pets since there are already so many, credit check and paperwork required.

I am the owner so there is no fee. If you are interested, please call Liz at ---- AFTER 12 NOON. I work nights and sleep mornings. "

Amazingly no pictures are included, so I can only guess that the apartment must look exactly like this.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/roo/337630118.html

Linkulators

• Hold the goddamn phone, Looptopia sucked. Shock of shockers it was poorly organized and full of vomiting hipster college kids. Christ people, this is supposed to be a cultural event, not breakfast club at McGee's. [Chicagoist]
• This is the most confusing thing I have ever read, and I took British Art Criticism in college. Thanks CTA! [ChiTrib]
• Attorney General Lisa Madigan looks into investigating sex offenders on Myspace. OMG that means she totally has a profile! Do you think she'll add me? I want her in my top 8! [Suntimes]
• TOC missed the best secret parking deal in the loop. And no, I'm not sharing... I need the spot! My Brown line is down! Ok, ok, it's near State and Balbo. [TOC]
• Where to go when you just need to get the fuck out of town (as I do for basically the entire run of the Taste. Worst festival in the world). [Reader]

Pump it

• Ah crap, we totally spaced on "Don't Pump Gas Day" yet again. Seriously, who keeps organizing this shit? It's soo Frank the Tank- everyone thinks it's a fun idea that you want to go streaking, inventive even, but no one is going with you. [Chicagoist]


• Richard Roeper steps up to defend Jerry Falwell. Because someone has to do it. Gawker responds by highlighting the fact the Roep is a stone cold douchecake and that they are better than us. [Gawker]


• Chicago Olympos have to scrap their logo- apparently you can't put the torch, rings, or other Olympic business right in your symbol. Maybe IO/ImprovOlympic can sell them their old logo? Also, check out the Chicago Tribune's logo photoshopping job. Is the Big Red Circle crossout sign copywritten? [ChiTrib]

SCK Breaking News!

OMFG ya'll! That guy Larry Flynt fought with is dead. You know, the one who hates teletubbies and blamed gays for 9.11.

[CNN]

Link me a River

• It's nearly time to get Festive! Oh the Chicago Summer Festival: a time to sneak past the neighborhood association members-hobos asking for donations, stand on your street drinking $6 beers in the middle of the day, eat funnel cakes, sit on the curb and listen to Mr. Blotto and Paul and Joe, scope on people you think you probably went to college with but who you just can't place now, drive home after a long day to realize most of your hood is blocked off and you now must pay to park in your regular spot, and buy seed-bead necklaces from a well-aged hippie. We Love Summer. [TOC- Kat contributed to this completely amazing and wonderful guide]


• The parents of a 12 year old girl are suing mad that she was shown Brokeback Mountain in class, asking for $500,000 in damages. Wow, I mean, I know the movie was a little slow and lacking some complexities, but I mean... oh wait... is this about the rough gay sex? [Chicagoist]


• Barrack is all pro-union and proud, walking picket lines and refusing to shop at Walmart. Is this guy ever not on? [SunTimes]


• Three of the cops from one of the ubiquitous bar beatings are getting charged. These are the guys who went up to 4 pool-playing businessmen and proceeded to beat them for several minutes. Only the finest. [ChiTrib]

All you need is Links

• Such an inventive solution to the problem of how to smuggle your nosecandy on board a plane! Too bad it didn't work out better. [ChiTrib]
• Pop. Six. Squish. Uhuh. Naperville. Lipshitz. [NBC5]
• Amy Winehouse managed to show up at the Vic and get through her entire set without vomiting on stage or having her pants fall off her emaciated booty. Which, it turns out, was kind of a shame. [TOC]
• Yet another reason to keep it up north: Looptopia is taking the fuck over this weekend. It's not that we hate midnight Yoga or anyone douchey enough to take part in it, it's just that, well... we do. [SunTimes]
• Best article accompanying photo of the year. [Chicagoist]
  

Old people are so funny

Midnight Link to Georgia

• In Connecticut a Dance Off turns deadly. No, really. [CBS]


• Divorce Attorney Corri Fetman proclaimed "Life's Short, Get a Divorce" on a tacky Viagra Triangle billboard, along with pictures of a large boobed woman and a man's ripped abs. Apparently she is also familiar with the adage "All publicity is good publicity". [Chicagoist] Update: Apparently Natarus reaaaally hated it, and the billboard has already been torn down. Oh Burt, we're going to miss you! [SunTimes]


• Donatella Versace has started to look like a charicture of herself. Which is sort of awesome. [SocialiteLife]


• Cracker Barrell will cut a bitch. [ChiTrib]

Addicted to Link

• Got a bad headache? Ear pain? General sinus discomfort? Don't worry buddy, it's probably just spiders crawling in your head. [CNN]


• The motherfucking cicadas will be here any day now! [ChiTrib]


• Frontera Grill is the restaurant of the year, chicago foodie journalism gets shut out. [Chicagoist]


• Finally, a service lushes can really use: a Naperthrill taxi company will drive your drunk ass home... and tow your car along with you. Finally, no more begging your parents for awkward hungover rides back to the bar parking lot! [CBS2]


• The Bulls start to suck again. Sigh. [SunTimes]

Vote or Die! Well, not really.

Katie is young, Jewish, a denim expert, tatooed and fabulous. In short, she is complete Real World material. And so you should vote for her right this very second. Do it, and I'll buy you a steak at Tango Sur. Promise!

Click here to vote and receive the gift of meat

Briefly

Cardinals pitcher John Hancock was drunk, high, speeding, not wearing a seat belt and talking on his phone when he crashed and died last week. We here at SCK don't like to see people deceased (generally), but I mean cmon. Why didn't he just prepare himself a sandwich, read a book and drive with his feet while he was at it. [ChiTrib]

Lets all just take a deap breath. Oh right, you can't.

It has happened, OMG Becky! Our lovely state has banned smoking in bars and restaurants. Uh. Oh. People downstate are So totally not going to like that they can't have their fried chicken, Coors Lite and Marlboro Mediums all together at the same time. Ok. I feel your pain. Those three things are all fun, delicious, and guaranteed to make you instantly awesomer. Remember how cool Christina Applegate was in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead, when she smoked and pretended to be older and got a sweet fashion job? And sure, going outside in the cold is pretty annoying both to you freezing you ass off and, more so, to those living around your favorite wating hole who get to deal with you screaming hilarious obscenities and chain-smoking at 3 am. But really, this is better for everyone. Think how nice it will be to not leave the bar and have to immediately hop in a shower and burn your clothes because of the reek of smoke and bar filth! And you won't be tempted to turn into a human chimney the second you get a little blotto. Thanks, RodBlo, for helping us help ourselves.

[ChiTrib]