Second City Kitty

Final Project

2009-06-08T12:33:00.008-05:00

Link

Phillip Lantz Design

2009-05-04T00:38:00.001-05:00

Phillip Lantz Design from Kat McCullough on Vimeo.

Phillip Lantz thought he had a secure job, a career path laid out and a life plan in place.

Then the recession struck, and Lantz found himself laid off from Robyn Shapiro Design after over two years with the company. Collecting unemployment and uncertain what step to take next, Lantz began getting calls from previous clients, asking him to do some work for them.

“I would like to say that it was all my own gumption, but it kind of happened to me,” Lantz said of starting his own business.

Since the interest was there from clients, Lantz decided to start his own company. While he has faced some difficulties with the business side- he had to buy bookkeeping programs and figure out the process of incorporating- Lantz wouldn’t have it any other way.

Lantz is taking the changes to his life plan in stride. “My plan was to put in my time here, move to a warmer place and then start, but I’m realizing now that’s it’s worked out better for me because of the connections that I’ve made,” he said.

How to buy jeans that fit

2009-04-26T22:16:00.006-05:00

Kat's Korea Pics

2009-04-20T13:04:00.003-05:00

Recreation options

2009-03-18T11:19:00.002-05:00

View Larger Map

Fast Food

2009-03-18T11:19:00.001-05:00

View Larger Map

Obesity

2009-03-18T11:11:00.003-05:00

Burn baby burn

2009-02-19T15:23:00.001-06:00

Cowritten and photo by the incomparable Kathryn Murphy

Debate is firing up the Northwest Side over the restoration and controlled burning at Chicago Forest Preserves, with proponents saying the efforts are necessary while opposing groups feel the ends don’t justify the means.

Organizations like Friends of the Forest Preserves and the Audubon Society support prescribed burning and removal of non-native species in order to restore the natural habitats of the area. Trees for Life’s and Urban Wildlife Coalition, on the other hand, see it as unneeded destruction with significant risks to the community’s health and safety.

“These ecosystems are still at risk because of severe fragmentation, the lack of fire and invasive species,” said Susan Witkowski a volunteer at the Friends of the Forest Preserves. “Many native plants are fire-dependent, relying on fire to germinate and keep invasives at bay.”

She explained that ecologists have established fire helped shape the state’s landscape dating back tens of thousands of years.

According to the Environmental Protection Agency, ecological restoration is the process of returning disturbed ecosystems to their original condition. It encompasses such activities as controlled burning, chemical adjustment of soil and water and reintroducing native plant life. A chief point of opposition for anti-restoration groups is that the Forest Preserve District of Cook County is trying to create an entirely different ecosystem in La Bagh Woods—a 600 acre forest preserve in North Park.

“We’re not against it if it’s where it belongs,” said Elaine Lorenz, one of the founders Trees for Life. “But to try to change one ecosystem to a different ecosystem, bottom line is, it’s destruction and they’re changing the ecosystem.

Bathsheba Birman of the Urban Wildlife Coalition had difficulty understanding the need for controlled burning. There is a big difference, she said, between allowing naturally occurring fires to take place and artificially introducing fires in places that would rarely burn naturally.

“There are ways to appreciate nature without having to control it,” Birman said. “We don’t have to be on the giving end of a chainsaw, hacksaw or herbicide swab.”

Steven Frankel, a biology professor at Northeastern Illinois University, said the burning is necessary, “if you wish to have a prairie habitat or open woodland habitat that is like what should be here, you have to have fire. Fire was a natural part of that ecosystem. You don’t have to burn if you don’t care what’s there.”

Even if a particular habitat isn’t the end goal, burning is an important factor in maintaining “historically coherent, ecologically healthy conditions,” according to Joe Walsh, a lecturer in biological science at Northwestern University.

“Fire is a historically normal occurrence in our region,” Walsh said, “and the local plants are adapted to it, the same way they are adapted to our cold, dry winters and hot, humid summers. When you take the fire away, they do not know what to do; their adaptations no longer make sense in a world without fire, and they die. It is as though their world was polluted.”

Frankel explained that burning is necessary not only in the prairies but also in the woodlands.

“There is no great movement to convert all of Chicago into prairie. It’s just ridiculous,” Frankel said. “A lot of these trees shouldn’t be here because they’re from other countries or ecologically speaking you wouldn’t find certain kinds of trees growing in certain habitats. They’re there because we’ve so disrupted the habitats.”

Birman’s concerns are not limited to what happens in the forest preserves. There are also health risks that accompany ecological restoration in the city, she said.

“It’s inappropriate in an urban area,” she said. “All the particulates that are released, and the proximity to homes. It’s a danger to the elderly, children and asthmatics. Neighbors wouldn’t be allowed to burn like that, but the forest preserve can?”

In addition to the health risks, there is also a possibility of the controlled fires becoming uncontrollable. Birman cited four such fires in the last decade: Itasca, March 2006; Carol Stream, April 2005; Morris, April 2003; Markham, November 1999.

“The forest preserve is disposing of cut wood, these are not ecological burns, they are landscape burns,” Birman said. “There’s a strong possibility these might go out of control.”

According to Witkowski, controlled burns are held in the spring and fall at several sites in the Chicago region that have been evaluated and deemed eligible.

“Burning only occurs when the wind, humidity and temperature make conditions safe. Local fire and police, officials and neighbors are notified,” Witkowski said. “Burns are conducted by trained personnel equipped with appropriate tools. Permits for burns are issued by the Illinois EPA and the Cook County Department of Environment.”

“After a burn, plants burst into life in the burn area,” Witkowski said. With the new plant life comes increased quality to the air and water and decreased risk of wildfires.

Birman, however, remains unsatisfied. “They’re saying the ends justify the means, but that’s really for the community and the public to determine, if the benefits outweigh the costs,” Birman said.

Sentimentality within the community also plays into the resistance to change the forest preserves. Many have become very attached to the forests with which they grew up.

“I grew up here,” said Mary Lee Paoletti of the National Forest Advocates. “My mother and grandmother grew up here. This is part of the community just as much as our churches or anything else.”

A little bit of Seoul

2009-02-12T17:58:00.002-06:00

Hidden within a non-descript building on Montrose Avenue in Albany Park lies a relaxation haven rarely found in the Western world. For nearly 20 years Korean-run Paradise Sauna has been offering massage, exfoliation, sauna, steam rooms and hot tub in Seoul-style.

Make no mistake however, this isn’t a fancy schmancy spa. “I think to those who go regularly it's a necessary cleansing and health ritual-- kind of like a deep cleaning for your body-- and not a frilly, girly, spa experience,” said Anna, a frequent sauna-goer and fan of Paradise.

While the facilities are clean there are no plush robes, pitchers of artesian lemon water or other fussy luxuries. The services and prices are posted next to the reception desk in Korean and English. Paying $18 for the sauna plus a $2 key deposit, you receive a towel, washcloth, cotton robe and locker key.

The women and men’s facilities are completely separate. Massages are $40 for 30 minutes, $60 for an hour, or you can get a package deal of scrub, 60-minute massage and sauna entrance for $100.

The sauna area is a large room with a hot tub, cold tub, whirlpool, sauna, steam room, and showers. It is required to shower and scrub yourself before getting into the tubs, and Korean style sit-down showers as well as regular showers are offered. The showers have shampoo and bar soap, keeping with the no-frills scene.

In the ladies side, women of all shapes, sizes, ages and races lounge in the tubs and sauna. People give a few sideways glances here and there, but mostly everyone keeps to themselves. On one side of the room sits a massage table where a Korean woman in lacy black lingerie gives intense exfoliating scrubs.

“I like that it's separated by sex, and that you are required to be naked, because it has always struck me as strange to be sitting, sweating, and in your clothes that are getting all of your dirty sweat all over them, ” Anna said. “Nobody really cares what anybody else is doing there, so you can really tune out. To me, the idea of sauna is about detoxing, and getting clean-- you're sweating out impurities, and then shocking the system by a dip in alternating cold and hot pools.”

Signs in Korean Hangol and English explain what is what and the basic sauna rules. The staff is helpful and friendly, although there are obvious language barriers. Miming things while naked can be awkward but necessary.

Next to the locker room there is a nap room with Korean newspapers, television and chairs. Beyond this is the massage room, where you can get one of the best cheap massages of your life. Stopping just short of painful, the masseuse’s get all of the tense spots, even climbing on the table to get all of the knots out of your back.

This type of sauna is common throughout Asia, with people going to hang out for much of the day and relaxing, not just stopping in for a quick treatment. “My experience with American saunas is that people are hung up on keeping their towels or swimsuits or whatever on, and more concerned with the frills and surroundings than with sweating stuff out. It's not viewed as a necessity, but more of a treat, and thus not taken as a health thing, but more as a luxury,” Anna said.

Paradise Sauna is located at 2910 W Montrose Ave, for information call (773) 588-3304.

Potholes- my first thrilling story!

2009-02-12T00:09:00.002-06:00

Logan Blvd holes

You’re driving along, enjoying your morning coffee or some hot tunes on the car stereo, when suddenly- BOOM. It sends the coffee everywhere, starts the CD skipping. You curse yourself for not seeing it, the winter driving nemesis- the pothole.

After one of the coldest January’s in Chicago in decades, our roads are looking a little worse for the wear. The Chicago Department of Transportation has gone high-tech to fight the pothole problem.

CDOT uses motorist calls to 311, along with a computerized mapping and tracking system to identify potholes and schedule crews to fill them. When weather is cooperating, CDOT crews can fill several thousand potholes a day.

While this is an impressive number, the inconvenience to drivers and damage to cars is still an issue. Scientists and engineers are working to not only make improvements in the way potholes are repaired, but to someday prevent potholes from happening.

According to CDOT, potholes form because of the winter freeze and eventual thaw. Water gets into the pavement, and when the pavement freezes this moisture expands. When the pavement thaws the moisture contracts. This flexing of the pavement, along with the stress of vehicles, causes the pavement to break down and potholes to form.

According to Brian Steele at CDOT, “Asphalt and concrete formulations have been essentially the same for decades. A few improvements have been introduced in recent years--for example, we use a high-performance cold-patch material for pothole patching that adheres better to the roadway surface than traditional cold-patch--making repairs last longer.”

Pablo Durango-Cohen, professor of Transportation Systems Analysis and Planning at Northwestern University’s McCormick School of Engineering, says that their focus is on developing new and better materials. “There are a number of new materials and compounds being used to seal roadways,” said Durango-Cohen. “They dry quicker and are less permeable so they let less moisture seep through.”

Whether or not the pothole problem has increased this year is up for debate.

Logan Square resident Mike Hocking, 28, says this year seems similar to last year. “I honestly haven’t noticed it being different or worse.” Hocking said the city seemed to be on top of the problem. “They did repave a couple of streets in my neighborhood recently. They did Palmer Square Boulevard.”

At Quick Oil on West Armitage Avenue in Logan Square, employee Gardenia Garcia had a different opinion. “The roads are worse this year. You try to avoid it as much as possible. There’s a big ugly pothole on California and Milwaukee, and on Logan Square heading towards Western.”

Garcia said that Quick Oil, which does tire repair in addition to oil changes, hasn’t noticed an increase in tire customers or reports of pothole damage.

Steele says this year is slightly behind last year, but last year was the worst they had seen in the last decade. So far this year about 150,000 potholes have been filled. Last year from December 1-April 30 approximately 400,000 were filled.

While the pothole’s days may be numbered, for now the city urges you to call 311 if you see, or rather feel, a pothole.

Holler

2009-02-04T11:06:00.002-06:00

Yeah, I'm back. I'm in J-school now, and they have recommended we start, like, writing shit. Because we're attempting to do that with our lives, they think we need to practice. Pshaaaaaaw I say, but because I'm going to be paying for this education until I'm a senior citizen, I guess I should heed a few of their suggestions. And it's not like blogging is hard. It's on the difficulty level of going up three stairs or opening a crab claw.

So stay tuned!

Mommy's Crying. Somewhere, so is a puppy.

2007-09-22T00:27:00.001-05:00

This post is about Britney Spears. Don't you groan, roll your eyes, judge and navigate away from me so quickly. It's also about you, and me, all of us, what and who we've become. Popping into a liquor store today for my usual 5pm fix I passed the magazine rack, my eyes caught Us Weekly, which I stopped subscribing to back in '04 when I realized all of the info, and the same info in video form was available for free online. If I really needed it. Today as I glanced at the cover it held a tore up Britney Spears and doughy adorable son Sean Preston/Jaded James/Sutton Pierce, both looking hurried, off guard and distraught. The headline: "Mommy's Crying". And before I knew it, I laughed. I had a flash of glee at her suffering. Immediately I began to schadenFreud myself. Why was I laughing? That's not funny at all, a kid crying over his mother being a disaster. Why did I know she was a disaster with a taste for tequila and umbrella beat-downs? And why was I even seeing this child on a magazine at a liquor store? It's because we have become a tech savvy bunch of sadists. Building and propping and hoisting up freakshow muppets for our newsstand amusement.

Not that I'm one to judge. As I clicked through my daily blogs (JasonMulgrew, Fourfour, GoFugYourself, et al) I happened on the Us Weekly page. By happened on I mean typed into my browser. Now Britney had been charged with a series of misdemeanors for crashing into someones car and leaving while the paparazzi cameras recorded. Us offered a poll: Do you feel sorry for Britney? My mouse hesitated on Yes. I selected No. The results rang up 50-50. Fitting. What does pity or sympathy matter- anyone voting in a poll on the Us Weekly website has already put the nail in her- and our societal soul's- coffin.

Oh, and also, Marcia Brady had lesbian sex with Jan. Who are we?

Hpy Bday 2 u

2007-09-18T09:48:00.000-05:00

Omfg yo! It may be the most important bday of our generation. :-) is 25. Don't be all :/, this is important. Like :-O. Like that. Before the emoticon, we were all :'( How could we :* our chat room boyfriend? We couldn't.

And that was :p because there was no <3 Thank you, ~$Scott E. Fahlman$~, for significantly contributing to the destruction of our language. B-)

[CNN- emoticon birthday]

If the Butterscotch Stallion can't make it...

2007-08-28T09:06:00.000-05:00

what hope is there for the rest of us?

Soulless yuppies will have to stay in the warm Starbucks wifi womb for awhile longer. Typing this blog whilst chilling outside of the Daley Center, surrounded by coked up traders and homeless would be pretty sweet. Sigh, someday. [ChiTrib]

Jim Mueller has Alzheimers at the age of 38. Maybe you do too? I'm just saying, haven't you been forgetting things lately? [SunTimes]

Lance Briggs crashed his car and shaded out of the accident site, perchance alcohol was a factor, blah blah blah. Let's focus on what's important- where was he partying before fucking up his Lambo? Krem and Level. Couldn't he get into Ontourage? [Chicagoist]

Indiana is determined to destroy our water and air. [NBC5]

Are we going to Die?

2007-08-24T10:43:00.000-05:00

Outside- what a fucking mess. After huddling in a hallway with some writers during the tornado warning, I tried to navigate the flooded and tree-debris filled streets with my trusty VW Billy. Bad was my decision to drive to work, and therefore home. The second line of storms was moving in as I was inching down Clark street, I had just been informed that there was no power at my apt, and so I decided to bail. I cruised it over to various friends houses for some weather-day fun. Arriving home late night, my hood looked like a fancy war-zone. No lights east of Southport, branches and other various shit everywhere, drunk people stumbling around looking confused. Same as usual, but darker. More coming today, so bunker down, fuckers.

Back Yo

2007-08-22T08:07:00.001-05:00

PTI- I was busy. I'm SO busy and important. And now I'm bored, so here's a blog:

Wait, we have a yellow line? Apparently, and it runs as shittily as the rest of the CTA. [ChiTrib]

Macy's Glamorama goes country this year: the store will "reimagined as a chic urban rodeo. There will be mechanical bull rides for charity, "Coyote Ugly"-style bar dancers, branding tattoos and the music of DJ Ruckus". Um, wasn't that hot about 6 years ago? You know, back in the golden era of Kid Rock and the Coyote Ugly movie? [SunTimes]

Bad news, crackhead-No more staggering out of the Hunt Club and immediately scoring some sweet sweet smack. You'll have to trek it down to at least Chicago and Rush for your nosecandy. [ChiTrib]

Pinkberry is coming to town! Along with a couple other fluffed artificially sweetened air purveyors. [Chicagoist]

Because Chicago is truly small town, we totally know murder suspect Pat Ford who killed his girlfriend 3 blocks from the SCK lair on Sunday morning. Sad, messed up, terrible. [ChiTrib]

Headline of the Week

2007-08-20T09:17:00.000-05:00

Perhaps my favorite. This year. Thanks to you, CNN.

"Bears eat man at beer festival"

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/08/20/bear.death.reut/index.html

It's been awhile...

2007-08-01T08:38:00.001-05:00

Because I've been writing stuff for other people. People who pay me, or at least put me in print. I gots to stop giving it away for free! Read the fancy shit:

[TOC]

LInk some sugar on me

2007-07-11T08:25:00.000-05:00

The CTA chief continues to dig the hole deeper. Really, Ron, believe it or not this isn't about you. We don't care about you. We would just like you to keep the trains running, preferably faster than 2 mph, and moderately cool. Thanks, dickhead. [ChiTrib]

People totally fucking love Peter Sagal. SCK isn't much one for NPR-loving pussies with their water-bongs and bicycles, but this dude has as following, so we're going to see him tape Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. [Chicagoist]

Sandwiches are awesome. Calliope should be on this list somewhere though, yum. [TOC]

Lincoln Park Chad Society- SCK's fav new blog this year. Check out the Trixie/Chad lifecycle and the list of popular Chad names. But cmon Chad, no A-list Trixie wears Antik denim. Their older but cool aunt might. [LPChad]

Amy Jacobsen and her foxy bikini made a big mistake. And now they've been fired. [ChiTrib]

Eleven going on Mel Gibson

2007-07-06T17:58:00.000-05:00

When I was eleven year old, way back in the early 90s, I spent my days crushing on high school's star basketball player, languishing on my daybed as I read Teen Magazine and talked on my princess phone. My nights were spent listening to Rick Dees while kissing pictures in my yearbook and playing MASH. Sure, things got racy sometimes. Barbie stole Skippers boyfriend Kevin and I graduated from the Babysitters Club to Sweet Valley High, but overall life was pretty fucking wholesome.

It makes me sound about 80 to say this, but...
what the fuck has the world become?

I blame Lindsay Lohan.

Sidebar- totally click on that MASH link above. Amazing, amazing.

Linkalicious

2007-06-19T07:21:00.000-05:00

SO Delicious

The "Family Secrets Mob Conspiracy Trial" (!!!) opening today in our fair Chi- just like The Sopranos. Only without the humor, Edie Falco, pretentious metaphors and bare boobies. Otherwise just the same! [ChiTrib]
Only 57% of newborn boys are circumcised in these wild and free '00s. That's down from 90% in the 1970s. Got some foreskin envy, Gen X-Y? One word- smegma. [CNN]
The generally awful PerezHilton gets a guest spot on the View. This is one of the signs of the apocalypse noted by Isaac Newton. [PerezHilton]
Wow, what a clever and well-written article about festivals I just stumbled upon on the internets! Ok, yes, I wrote it. [TOC]
Barneys destroys the corner at Oak and Rush. Yes, Sarah's Pastries suck, but Papa Milano and Tender Buttons had been there since the 60s, man. [SunTimes]
The first rule of Cubs Fight Club... [Chicagoist]

We can't go on together, with Pretentious Minds

2007-06-11T08:03:00.000-05:00

Caution: I am totally spoiling the Sopranos ending here. If you are a fan, but have been in a third-world country or trapped under something heavy and haven't watched it yet, you have been warned.

You never have a second chance to make a first impression. But what about a last impression? Can a beloved tv series slight itself for all time by ending on a less than high note? And can a previously great show that has fallen off its game redeem itself with one last hurrah? And what if a show fails to deliver at all, ending without answering any of the questions it has raised throughout it's run or tying up any of the stories of the characters we have come to care about?

So many questions because my mind is still reeling from the baffling but not entirely surprising Sopranos finale. The episode itself was alright, pretty great really. Lots of choppy editing, a gruesome wacking (of Phil Leotardo), and tons of suspense. The building up of anticipation in the last 5 minutes was so intense- the Tony, AJ and Carmela in a restaurant, a shifty Italian glancing at Tony, Meadow having trouble parking- that when the screen suddenly cut to black just as Meadow walked in the door and Journey sang "Don't stop...." it had to be the largest universal uttering of "What the?" our fine country has ever seen. Nothing. Nada. Black screen. Roll the credits. And cue the confusion.

So really, what the? What was the point? Is David Chase's point that we shouldn't have answers, that we should not care so much about what happens to a fictional family of criminals and killers. Or is this ending highlighting the fact that it doesn't matter? In one of the best scenes of the episode Tony goes to visit Junior in the state prison mental hospital, and Junior has no idea who he is. Tony tells him "You and my Dad, you two ran New Jersey". Junior responds "We did? That's nice" and goes back to staring blankly. Whether Tony gets indicted, or killed in the restaurant, or lives out his days to retire in Miami, his fate will eventually be that of Juniors. None of the power, big houses, or $2000 cappuccino makers will matter. And shouldn't matter to us either.

But still, we as people are big on closure. And not having that, or the possibility of ever having it, is very uncomfortable. Even terrible series finales (Seinfeld, anyone?) give this much-needed closure. It may be ludicrous, but we know where Jerry and pals are living out their days. Even a it-was-all-a-dream finale (Newhart, Roseanne) would be preferential to this nothing. One of my favorite finales of all time, Six Feet Under, flashes forward to tell us exactly what happens to each character up until the time of their death.

We watch tv because we don't want to make up stories on their own, we want them to be told to us. We don't use our imaginations because they are not very good writers.

NorthsidePride

2007-06-04T09:19:00.000-05:00

I previously guessed that Lou would have a complete breakdown by June 12. I guess I underestimated the ability of Cubs to reach new levels of suck. Lou- you're getting paid, you're in a nice ballpark, relax. So you're team is such a mess that your pitcher and catcher want to kill each other. It'll be ok. Walk over to Yak-zies and get some wings and a cold one. Only about 118 games left.

[ChiTrib]

The Worst Apartment Ever

2007-05-24T23:26:00.000-05:00

Oh Craigslist, what did we do before you? How did we dispose of unwanted futons, find sexy/clean/buff SWMs to meet up with for casual, no strings attached oral, or pass the dull hours at work without your fascinating listings? Today, I was just perusing the New York apartment scene, as I often do, and I came across what must be the single worst apartment in the civilized world. I know, that's a big statement, so let me give you a lil taste. Here is the headline: " 2 Small Rooms for Rent in Apt Full of Cats".

...

See! Ok, here is the listing in full, because I'm sure it won't be up long. Who could resist the charm of an apartment in Brooklyn that is full of fucking cats!

"2 Small Rooms for Rent in Apt Full of Cats - South Slope

We have two small rooms for rent in a third floor sunny 2 bedroom apartment in South Slope Brooklyn (22nd St Between 5th & 6th Ave).

$500: Faces front of building, 7.5 x 9.5, one window, room for full bed/futon, dresser, closet.

$550: Faces rear of building, 9.7 x 9.6, two windows, room for queen bed/futon, dresser, closet.

The rooms can be furnished or unfurnished as needed.

The apartment is fully renovated. Hardwood floors in the bedrooms and living room. Tiled kitchen, new cabinets/counter. Ceiling fans in the living room, kitchen, and bedrooms so you may not need air conditioning (great cross breeze).

Heat, hot water, and electricity are included (you would pay extra if you want an air conditioner). If you want to use the stove, you will need to put the account in your name(s). There is an un-used cable in the apartment, otherwise there is no cable or internet service included with the rooms.

Please note that the kitchen, living room, and bathroom are shared with my seven cats and their furniture and toys (their litter box is in the bathtub). There is a futon, TV, VCR, and cheap stereo system in the living room. I come and go at all hours of the day and night to play with and care for my cats.

The bathroom toilet and sink in the apartment can be used but to take a shower you will need to go to the bathroom in the finished basement (modern, shower no tub). Dormitory style.

The nearest subway is local R at 25th Street and 4th Avenue but there are excellent connections to most other train lines. Shopping, banks, dining, laundry nearby. On street parking is good. Excellent quiet safe family block with 5th Avenue becoming more Park Slope every day.

Absolutely no smokers, no pets since there are already so many, credit check and paperwork required.

I am the owner so there is no fee. If you are interested, please call Liz at ---- AFTER 12 NOON. I work nights and sleep mornings. "

Amazingly no pictures are included, so I can only guess that the apartment must look exactly like this.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/roo/337630118.html

Linkulators

2007-05-22T08:23:00.000-05:00

Hold the goddamn phone, Looptopia sucked. Shock of shockers it was poorly organized and full of vomiting hipster college kids. Christ people, this is supposed to be a cultural event, not breakfast club at McGee's. [Chicagoist]
This is the most confusing thing I have ever read, and I took British Art Criticism in college. Thanks CTA! [ChiTrib]
Attorney General Lisa Madigan looks into investigating sex offenders on Myspace. OMG that means she totally has a profile! Do you think she'll add me? I want her in my top 8! [Suntimes]
TOC missed the best secret parking deal in the loop. And no, I'm not sharing... I need the spot! My Brown line is down! Ok, ok, it's near State and Balbo. [TOC]
Where to go when you just need to get the fuck out of town (as I do for basically the entire run of the Taste. Worst festival in the world). [Reader]

Pump it

2007-05-16T10:13:00.000-05:00

Ah crap, we totally spaced on "Don't Pump Gas Day" yet again. Seriously, who keeps organizing this shit? It's soo Frank the Tank- everyone thinks it's a fun idea that you want to go streaking, inventive even, but no one is going with you. [Chicagoist]

Richard Roeper steps up to defend Jerry Falwell. Because someone has to do it. Gawker responds by highlighting the fact the Roep is a stone cold douchecake and that they are better than us. [Gawker]

Chicago Olympos have to scrap their logo- apparently you can't put the torch, rings, or other Olympic business right in your symbol. Maybe IO/ImprovOlympic can sell them their old logo? Also, check out the Chicago Tribune's logo photoshopping job. Is the Big Red Circle crossout sign copywritten? [ChiTrib]

SCK Breaking News!

2007-05-15T13:35:00.000-05:00

OMFG ya'll! That guy Larry Flynt fought with is dead. You know, the one who hates teletubbies and blamed gays for 9.11.

[CNN]

Link me a River

2007-05-15T10:26:00.000-05:00

It's nearly time to get Festive! Oh the Chicago Summer Festival: a time to sneak past the neighborhood association members-hobos asking for donations, stand on your street drinking $6 beers in the middle of the day, eat funnel cakes, sit on the curb and listen to Mr. Blotto and Paul and Joe, scope on people you think you probably went to college with but who you just can't place now, drive home after a long day to realize most of your hood is blocked off and you now must pay to park in your regular spot, and buy seed-bead necklaces from a well-aged hippie. We Love Summer. [TOC- Kat contributed to this completely amazing and wonderful guide]

The parents of a 12 year old girl are suing mad that she was shown Brokeback Mountain in class, asking for $500,000 in damages. Wow, I mean, I know the movie was a little slow and lacking some complexities, but I mean... oh wait... is this about the rough gay sex? [Chicagoist]

Barrack is all pro-union and proud, walking picket lines and refusing to shop at Walmart. Is this guy ever not on? [SunTimes]

Three of the cops from one of the ubiquitous bar beatings are getting charged. These are the guys who went up to 4 pool-playing businessmen and proceeded to beat them for several minutes. Only the finest. [ChiTrib]

All you need is Links

2007-05-11T13:52:00.000-05:00

Such an inventive solution to the problem of how to smuggle your nosecandy on board a plane! Too bad it didn't work out better. [ChiTrib]
Pop. Six. Squish. Uhuh. Naperville. Lipshitz. [NBC5]
Amy Winehouse managed to show up at the Vic and get through her entire set without vomiting on stage or having her pants fall off her emaciated booty. Which, it turns out, was kind of a shame. [TOC]
Yet another reason to keep it up north: Looptopia is taking the fuck over this weekend. It's not that we hate midnight Yoga or anyone douchey enough to take part in it, it's just that, well... we do. [SunTimes]
Best article accompanying photo of the year. [Chicagoist]

Old people are so funny

2007-05-09T08:37:00.000-05:00

Midnight Link to Georgia

2007-05-09T08:06:00.000-05:00

In Connecticut a Dance Off turns deadly. No, really. [CBS]

Divorce Attorney Corri Fetman proclaimed "Life's Short, Get a Divorce" on a tacky Viagra Triangle billboard, along with pictures of a large boobed woman and a man's ripped abs. Apparently she is also familiar with the adage "All publicity is good publicity". [Chicagoist] Update: Apparently Natarus reaaaally hated it, and the billboard has already been torn down. Oh Burt, we're going to miss you! [SunTimes]

Donatella Versace has started to look like a charicture of herself. Which is sort of awesome. [SocialiteLife]

Cracker Barrell will cut a bitch. [ChiTrib]

Addicted to Link

2007-05-08T09:35:00.000-05:00

Got a bad headache? Ear pain? General sinus discomfort? Don't worry buddy, it's probably just spiders crawling in your head. [CNN]

The motherfucking cicadas will be here any day now! [ChiTrib]

Frontera Grill is the restaurant of the year, chicago foodie journalism gets shut out. [Chicagoist]

Finally, a service lushes can really use: a Naperthrill taxi company will drive your drunk ass home... and tow your car along with you. Finally, no more begging your parents for awkward hungover rides back to the bar parking lot! [CBS2]

The Bulls start to suck again. Sigh. [SunTimes]

Vote or Die! Well, not really.

2007-05-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

Katie is young, Jewish, a denim expert, tatooed and fabulous. In short, she is complete Real World material. And so you should vote for her right this very second. Do it, and I'll buy you a steak at Tango Sur. Promise!

Click here to vote and receive the gift of meat

Briefly

2007-05-04T12:48:00.000-05:00

Cardinals pitcher John Hancock was drunk, high, speeding, not wearing a seat belt and talking on his phone when he crashed and died last week. We here at SCK don't like to see people deceased (generally), but I mean cmon. Why didn't he just prepare himself a sandwich, read a book and drive with his feet while he was at it. [ChiTrib]

Lets all just take a deap breath. Oh right, you can't.

2007-05-02T09:13:00.000-05:00

It has happened, OMG Becky! Our lovely state has banned smoking in bars and restaurants. Uh. Oh. People downstate are So totally not going to like that they can't have their fried chicken, Coors Lite and Marlboro Mediums all together at the same time. Ok. I feel your pain. Those three things are all fun, delicious, and guaranteed to make you instantly awesomer. Remember how cool Christina Applegate was in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead, when she smoked and pretended to be older and got a sweet fashion job? And sure, going outside in the cold is pretty annoying both to you freezing you ass off and, more so, to those living around your favorite wating hole who get to deal with you screaming hilarious obscenities and chain-smoking at 3 am. But really, this is better for everyone. Think how nice it will be to not leave the bar and have to immediately hop in a shower and burn your clothes because of the reek of smoke and bar filth! And you won't be tempted to turn into a human chimney the second you get a little blotto. Thanks, RodBlo, for helping us help ourselves.

[ChiTrib]

What is this Camoflage of Black and White?

2007-04-30T08:00:00.000-05:00

It is a goddamn glorious day to be alive. Sure, it's Monday, but it is nearly orgasmic outside. Sunny, mid-80s, fuckin A man. I didn't think it could get any better, and then I saw this video. Candid Panda. If only they liked to mate, and we could all have them as pets. Excuse me, I have to go outside and frolic for awhile. Enjoy:

Root root root for the Cubbies

2007-04-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

Heavens to Betsy it's a beautiful day out! So warm and inviting. You know what we should do, Dwayne? We should go into the city and see a Cubs game. We ain't gonna go to the actual game, it's too pricey. $6 a beer, and you can't bring your own coolers in neither. Also, I heard them Al-Kidas were wanting to bomb Wrigley. No sirrey, we'll just hang out in the neighborhood. Be sure to call and invite the kids, and tell 'em to bring the liddle ones too. Pack up Kaileigh and Kodi and Caighdynce and Austin's biggest strollers, and we'll all pile into three absolutely enormous SVUs. We ain't gone pay for no parking either, you can park on the streets up there in Wrigleyville for free! I guess you need some permit or something, but we never got no tickets. We'll park the SVUs in a row, with 7 feet of space in between, taking up nearly an entire city block. Ahe he he. It's going to be great!

We'll walk in a big flock down Addison and up Clark and around to Waveland, being sure to go extra slow to soak up all the culture and flavor of the city. We'll remark loudly and constantly about how we could never live there though, it's too spency and dirty and unsafe. Since we're fat fucks, looking like we consumed two of them skinny city folk each, we'll take up the entire sidewalk as we walk four deep. When any People of Color walk towards us, we'll cross the street. Don't want no trouble, you know? We will go into the boutiques and the men will yell the prices of the designer dresses and t-shirts to each other, guffawing. We'll make comments on how we couldn't even fit into one ankle into the largest size pants, as self-hatred gently gnaws away at our souls. We'll eventually settle into one of the outdoor seating sections of a bar on Southport, letting the kids run around freely in the restaurant and sidewalk as we get shitfaced on Miller Lite and White Zinfandel's. We'll talk loudly about how the food is dry and overpriced and not as good as what we could make at home as we shove it into our huge faces. We'll declare the waitress rude and leave her a 5% tip. Eventually, we'll shuffle on back to the SVUs, bitching about how we should get gas but it's over $3 up here, and finally we'll drive back to Milwaukee or Aurora or wherever the fuck we're from.

Editors note: Is Ronnie WooWoo ever going to go on a murder spree? Could this be the year?

Will you Link me tomorrow?

2007-04-23T09:26:00.000-05:00

Parents watch WAAAAY more tv than their kids. Cmon sofa spuds, turn of the Dancing with the Stars results show and getcha fat body outside. It's beautiful now! Play catch, jump rope, see if you can walk a block without shattering your weak ankles. Also, what is Crumbs? NYC is all about it. [ChiMag]
Barrack Obama and slum-lord Tony Rezko were totally Besties. [SunTimes]
Playing in an abandoned warehouse will kill you. Often. [ChiTrib]
Hey scenesters: new shit is opening. The 'stop naming thigns Republic edition. [Metromix]

Mind the Weird Kids

2007-04-18T08:03:00.000-05:00

We, like most of the country, have been enthralled and horrified by the Virginia Tech tragedy for the past 2 days. Now that all the details are coming out it's got me thinking about the strange kids. You know, the kinda smelly ones. Every grade school had that kid with the home-given haircuts who ate glue, sometimes soiled himself, and had to take Ritalin. By high school he/she would have hopefully formed some alternate identity; being a goth or a hippie or hacker would fit him in to a group, give him a group of weirdos to hang with. (Click that link, really) And that was fine too because you didn't have to hang out with him or feel sorry for him. He had his loser crew. Sometimes they would stare at you a little too long in the cafeteria, and he bumped into you in the hallway and may have pulled a hair out of your head the other day, but overall he's harmless.

But then comes college, and the epitome of slum-life: the college dorm. Hotties, studious dorks, skanks, drunks, potheads, athletes, and smelly kids all forced to live together in one shithole tower. Every dorm floor had at least one; my beloved Harrison Hall floor 8 had the girl who wore Eagle/lighting bolt tshirts and had half her hair cut into bangs. But the worst she ever did was pick up men on the internet and not wash her bedding all semester (including after a period mishap). I didn't have to live with her, but her roommate threatened our RA that she would drop out if she didn't get moved, and eventually Smelly Girl had her own spacious 12x15 cinder block cell.

The roommates and teachers of Virginia Tech shooter Cho Seung-Hui are now coming forward with stories of a very troubled, angry little stalker. One professor said 'I would have been shocked' if it wasn't him. They saw the warning signs, reported him to RAs and the police, but it wasn't enough. And what more can you do? We all are trained to take note of people who act curiously, report their odd behavior to those in charge, but then what happens?

Not sure where to go with this... I need to get back to carefully assessing/staring harshly at the creepy guy at work.

Cho's Myspace

Gin and Links

2007-04-17T07:40:00.000-05:00

We beat LA! I mean, was there really any question? Gorgeous culturally-rich although morbidly obese Chicago versus earthquakey celeb-overridden endless adobe suburb LA. Go us! (p.s.- the Olympics are lame, but we really really like winning things) [ChiTrib]

Outraged prudes are calling for firings after DVDs were sent to media and parents last week of Sandridge Elementary Principal Leroy Coleman getting laid all over school by a variety of naughty teachers... wait, I've seen that movie... [ChiTrib]

Hi-Tops is going to become Harry Caray's after this season. But where will unattractive 28 year-olds go to grind on underage drunk girls? Oh right, The Hangge Uppe. [ChicagoMag]

Astronaut Suni Williams runs the Boston Marathon in space as crewmates look on and toss orange slices at her. Aren't they supposed to be doing research or testing monkeys or something generally useful? Is it just a party with the Russians up there? [CNN]

Apparently there is a new area called the Warehouse District and it's the Place to Fucking Be. Isn't that area technically WeLo? Enough with downtown really, I predict the next big thing will be either SoFaux (South of Foster), WeDep (west of depaul east of bucktown) or NoWeIn (the region)

Things We Learned This Week

2007-04-13T23:52:00.000-05:00

Calling a female athletic team "nappy headed hos" is probably a bad idea, especially if you are a white gravel voiced/faced creepy old man. [MSNBC]
While driving/riding in a car to a meeting between disgraced radio hosts and basketball hos, or just anywhere, it is a good idea to wear a seatbelt. [CNN]
Kurt Vonnegut was still alive. [NYT]
That this flat-ironed freak show is someone's father. Now if I could only figure out who my own babys daddy is... [People]
Erba in Lincoln Square is yummers. Yes, that's right, yummers. [Metromix]
The amount of time it takes a new Cubs manager to have a meltdown? 9 games. We predict a total nervous breakdown somewhere around June 12th. [ChiTrib]
We are completely obsessed with Google Image searches (see above). What happens when you Google Image search "Google Image search?" This! Like holding a mirror to a mirror.
That if it doesn't warm up soon we are going to have to move. Seventh City Kitty has a nice ring, and we won't have to change our initials. So get ready... San Antonio? Er, on second thought, it's going to get nice any second now.
Alanis has much more melodic and sexy lady humps than Fergie.

Like a Rolling Link

2007-04-11T10:01:00.000-05:00

Break out the Ugg's and hideous sweaters, it's a mess out there. Just remember this in 3 months when you arrive at work looking like you were doused with a bucket of water, reaking like a gym sock. [ChiTrib]
That guy from Law & Order who was thinking of running for President has cancer. Big year for cancer. We here at SCK would totally vote for Elliot Stabler. Or Mr. Big. Because we are suckers for men who brood. [CNN]
SunTimes, you have been warned. But if you cheap pun one more time in the leading headline we are going to stop buying you and start making up our own Sudoku. (It's Snow Joke- zing!) And no rhyming either. [SunTimes]
I kept meaning to try X/O, and now it's too late. Sadness, so much sadness. [TOC]
The Cicadas are ready for their vibrant return. Ravinia goers are going to be so pissed [CBS2]

Someone fathered Dannilynn

2007-04-10T15:32:00.000-05:00

Larry Birkhead is the father. So that's done. Yup. Done done done-rs. Guess I should be moving along. Finding something else to blog/think/dream/obsess about. Uh huh. Lotttttta stuff going on in the world. SO Much! And my own life, I mean, wow. Action packed that is. Solid coverage of social engagements and cotillions. Allriiiight. Guess I'll go do... some of that... stuff...

[CNN]

A Review of Something we have no business Reviewing: David Sedaris

2007-04-09T12:42:00.000-05:00

SCK saw David Sedaris last night at the Chicago Theater. We would both be able to contribute to this post, but 5 minutes into the show M Chaz had a height-inducted panic attack. Our seats were in the second balcony (it's a reading and D Sedaris is not really much to look at, whatev) which is about 8 miles in the air off the stage level. When I looked up and realized the soaring ceiling was within touch, I got loopy and disoriented and had to be cuddled and fed salted almonds for 7 minutes. M Chaz, his blood thick with Cadbury Creme, couldn't shake off the feeling that if he leaned forward he would tumble down 1200 rows, ran out to collect himself and was not allowed back in. Therefore I must dust off my literary skillz not used since, well... not used.

Mr. Sedaris is genius and hilarious, and his speaking voice is absolutely amazing. He sounds like a old female socialite, her throat scared by years of smoking and eating gold plated foods. His excellent intro was mocking of the plagiarism scandals of late, pointing out how we are more concerned with James Frey (that fucked up alcoholic) lying to us than our President and government. He followed this with a story about a child molester in his town in France which made everyone a little uncomfortable. Then a couple more France-centered stories, with a great impression of his brother's thick southern accent thrown in, and then he read snippets of his diary entries. The diaries were great. All of it was, really. However, he was far better before he moved to France. It scares me that he may be out of good material. Sedaris is best talking about his mother, his childhood, and his family in general. But he has begun to center around his life in France, and there's only so much you can say about how different the French are. "The French are funny." That's it. And sure, the language barriers can be amusing, but one "I used the feminine not the masculine noun" story is enough. So, David darling, move into your sister Amy's insane bunny-overrun apartment in NYC for awhile, and let hilarity ensue. Please? Because M Chaz is not risking another holiday panic-attack just to hear you talk about how you lack French fluency.

Keith Richards is way more hardcore than you

2007-04-04T07:22:00.000-05:00

Recently, when asked by a British magazine what the strangest thing he had ever snorted was, Keith Richards replied, "The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father."

Whoa, man. I mean, just, wow. That's, yeah, that's hardcore. Good deal buddy. I mean, terrible, terrible deal, but just, yeah. We've all heard about how all the blood in your body has been replaced, and how you used to stay up for 36 days a time and the recent falling out of coconut trees. But you really outdid yourself this time.

Wait a second... isn't this an episode of Six Feet Under? Didn't some teenagers snort up their dead drug-addict Lindsay Lohan-rip off actress friend? Yeah! Here it is! Thanks TWOP! Dude, Keith, you're ripping of a episode of a cable tv show. This isn't hardcore at all. Nope. Lame even. SO weak.

Get back to me after you've freebased some stem-cells.

[CNN]

Regulators! Link up

2007-04-02T09:11:00.000-05:00

Perhaps it's more than just poor decisions, incompetent developers and idiotic planning. Perhaps the gods do not want Block 37 to ever become something. [CBS2]

'Hell on the El'- the latest little clever-ism to describe the absolute nightmare that our transportation system has become. I would say more, but my searing anger has rendered me unable to use language properly. I am vigorously shaking my head though. [ChiTrib]

The SunTimes keeps it real! Dawg! Chillin old school for your bad selves, yo. [SunTimes]

Rentometer- my new favorite thing ever. Enter your address, # of bedrooms and rent, and find out if you are paying too much, and also what your neighbors are paying. SCK Kat is paying on the low end of average. Sweet! [Rentometer] via TOC

We are That house

2007-03-29T12:01:00.000-05:00

I am very lucky to live in a very nice apartment in a lovely building on a popular and fabulous street in a gorgeous city. My building is a house, 3 stories, brick, all around a class-act. Apparently someone Hollywood-related took notice of this fact, as I arrived home around 6:30 last evening to find a film crew setting up in my urban yard (stoop and sidewalk). They were decorating our fence with garland when I strolled inside. I left and went to the gym shortly after, giving the crew go-fer a friendly nod. Returning home an hour later I found that to the garland had been added about a dozen fake red poinsettas and christmas lights were hanging on our local sidewalk tree. Oh, and I know the poinsettas are fake because I stole one, of course. I thought this must be the Vince Vaughn movie that everyone and their boss has been an extra in, but some nosing around revealed that they were filming the Michael Keaton directed feature "The Merry Gentleman". That's right, the second least shitty Batman has chosen our home as his set. (Don't you defend Val Kilmer, he's not worth it. He's not worth it)

So this is all very exciting, and my house is going to be super famous and may start dating Courtney Love now that she's all skinny and shit. However, when the crew packed up and left around 10:30, they left the garland and flowers and lights prominantly displayed on our home and stoop. I didn't want to take them down in case they return tonight to film more, and so now we look like crazy people who never took their Christmas decorations down. Thanks Michael Keaton!

[Info about the movie]

Link me baby one more time

2007-03-28T08:31:00.000-05:00

The Brown's Chicken case finally goes to trial. What took so effing long? Uh, the judge fell off a ladder. [SunTimes]
Claire Rice died after choking on a piece of steak at the Chicago Yacht Club. Now her husband is suing the club for failing to properly perform the Heimlich manuever. Why not sue ole Claire's parents for failing to teach their daughter how to 'chew it up good'? People, they're the worst. [Chicagoist]
Things just keep getting worse for the drunk/angry Chi PD. There is another "videotaped bar beating", this one featuring SIX off-duty officers beating some people at Jefferson Tap in December. The officers have been allowed to remain on duty for the past 3 months. Jesus Fucking Christ. [ChiTrib]
Eat and drink all 100 of these things. I dare you. [TOC]

Stealing Summer

2007-03-27T08:45:00.000-05:00

For the past 3 days the shiny warm happy face of G-d has smiled upon Chicago, giving us glorious 80 degree weather and snapping us out of the seasonal depressive misery we have been experiencing since Nov 06. Not content to sit on someones deck with a brat and a Corona, I (Kat) represented SCK in the Shamrock Shuffle. And no, I didn't win. It was sort of like driving in rush-hour traffic, only very slightly more painful. Kudos to all who tried and all, but really, why sign up for a 8K race if you are not capable of running 2 miles? There were people walking at the 1 mile point even. Not walking like "I have a cramp and I'll start up again in a sec", but walking like "I'm cashing it in and need a sandwich".

Other than that, the race was a fantastic experience thanks to the fact that it was like a warm orgasm outside, and the route goes through Millenium Park and the Loop. I fully recommend running it next year. Provided that you can move your ass more than 1000 meters, tubby.

Chicago's Finest

2007-03-22T12:29:00.000-05:00

On February 19, off-duty Chi PD Anthony Abbate decided to get good and drunk. And so he did just so at a klassy establishment called Jesse's Short Stop Inn on west Belmont. Big Tony got a little carried away, and after trying to buy round of shots with no money and fight various fellow patrons, bartender Karolina Obrycka cut him off. Tony didn't take this well and decided to go behind the bar and repeatedly kick and punch 115 pound Karolina. Nice, super nice. My favorite part is how after filing charges, Tony's police buddies threatened to arrest the victim and bar owner unless they dropped their case. Way to stick together, violent douches (note: future band name). This is why the people of your city, and the rest of the country, thinks you're a bunch of dirty corrupt pricks. Because you are.

Oh, and there is video, natch:

[ChiTrib]

StrangeTimes

2007-03-20T20:43:00.000-05:00

"A Woonsocket mother and her boyfriend were sentenced to three years probation on Monday for having intercourse in front of the woman's 9-year-old daughter to teach the girl about sex."

Nice. Just nice. You know, childhood is a confusing time. You have to choose which Barbie is your favorite, deal with the big kids hogging all the good swings, sleep 10 hours a night, and watch some dude penetrate your mother.

"During an investigation by the state child welfare authorities, Prata, 33, said he and Arnold, 36, had sex "all the time" in front of the child and that "we don't believe in hiding anything."

It is NOT good to have your boyfriend fondle your Woonsocket in front of your 9 year-old child. Damn hippies.

[WBZTV]

Fuck the dots

2007-03-19T15:26:00.000-05:00

The look of the site has changed due to the fact that the polka-dots were obnoxious and everyone had them, much like you after St. Patrick's day boozing. If you hate this new look or have a suggestion, let us know.

Cheers!
SCK

St. Patricks Day Hghghghghghgh

2007-03-19T09:24:00.000-05:00

Was St. Patrick's Day on a Saturday not the worst thing ever? I suppose I just didn't bong/mainline enough green beer (only sweet lady H for me) but what a pain in the ass. After the debacle that was looking for parking in my Irish pub filled neighborhood for an hour and 5 minutes, finally settling on a spot somewhere in Evanston, I decided not to leave the confines of Sex on Southport (my apt) for the rest of the night. That got old and I got bored and restless and ventured out at 11:30, to find everyone had passed out. Mostly on the Southport sidewalk. Seriously ladies. If you don't want to end up in a puddle of your own green puke at 8 pm with your boyfriend/#1 gay/dude-who-is-trying-to-nail-you standing over you trying to get you to stand up and get back in the cab, don't behave like quite such a brainless hobag. Starting drinking at 6 am is not a good idea. Neither are Jaeger shots or triple fisting. You are not a Phi Delt pledge. You are a mid-20 something who weighs 110 pounds. Go the fuck easy.

Thanks!

The previous was a diatribe by a very annoyed Kat who feels a lot better now. Apologies. Muah!

Linkifornication

2007-03-19T09:01:00.000-05:00

Condoms are being kept out of prisons for fear that it would encourage sexual activity and homosexual behavior. Uh seriously. A bunch of angry rapists, murderers and general neer-do-wells caged up for years to life with no ladies to rape or things to rob. I doubt the introduction of condoms would somehow corrupt this environment. [Chicagoist]
An in-depth look at Rock Paper Scissors. Yeaaaaah. Hopefully once it gets warm out things will start to pick up around here. Could someone please stab a baby or win a Superbowl or something? [ChicagoMag]
She didn't stab her baby, but it's close enough. Little Melanie Beltran was tied up, burned, beaten, forced to eat hot peppers (!) and drink from the toilet. Happy Monday! [ChiTrib]
Already Over: Underground [TOC]
Stoned teenagers go to the Supreme Court to fight for their free speech right to hang a "Bong Hits for Jesus" banner. I would support them if it were somehow funnier. [ChiTrib]

What Links Around

2007-03-14T07:36:00.000-05:00

A whole bunch of people are still really upset about Chief Illiniwek. I had filed this deep in the 'who gives a fuck' file but apparently I was wrong in that. I can see students and grads shedding a single tear, but Old People who never went to U of I are, somewhat creepily, really pissed off about this. There are lawsuits and everything. Over a mascot. [SunTimes]

Game show contestant or O-face? [Details]

Chicagoist thinks that El Nandu in Logan Sq could rival much beloved Southport fav Tango Sur. I just don't see how that could possibly be possible. But I will go there and eat half my weight in juicy meat to find out for sure. [Chicagoist]

New Yorkers go on a citywide manhunt to behead a man who robbed a 101 year-old. Sounds about right. [CNN]

Myspace- it's not just for 'researching' exboyfriends and people you went to high school with. Now it's all about stalking your children. [ChiTrib]

Living alone, I often had a recurring nightmare that I would die, either choking on Chinese food or of a heart attack, and no one would find me for weeks. I would like to think I would be found before years had passed, as least by creditors. No such luck for poor Larry. If only he had more debt. [CNN]

I'll put a Link on you

2007-03-12T09:16:00.000-05:00

A fire on Addison that killed 4 people was apparently started by a crazy homeless woman. The woman was questioned after detectives discovered she smelled strongly of smoke. I'm super glad they caught her, but I don't think I've ever encountered a homeless who didn't reek of smoke. [ChiTrib]

Just in time for Monday, the Trib gives us The Most Depressing Article. Ever. Read knowing that it will make you not want to go on till Tuesday. [ChiTrib]

The perpetual debate of Chicago vs New York pizza will finally be settled once and for all by Rachel Ray. Trust me Rach, you want to stay out of this one. We Chicagoans can't even have a friendly little discussion about this subject without someone being dragged out onto Waveland for a beatdown. [Chicagoist]

Pretty much everyone was abused by a Catholic Priest. Shocking really, that celibate weirdos in dresses and funny hats could be up to no good. [CNN]

The clever folks at the SunTimes dub the Dan Ryan the ExSTRESSway. See how they did that, with the word in the word with added meaning. Because its stressful with 1 lane open. Get it? So witty, sooo witty. [SunTimes]

Del Toro is done. How is it that nothing works at 1520 North Damen? Even hipsters gotta eat! Don't they? [TOC]

You link me right round (like a record)

2007-03-07T07:52:00.000-06:00

Rolling Stone details the 25 best moments of South Park, complete with video! #1 is my total favorite as well. And no, it's not the Tom Cruise-R Kelly in the closet, though that was pretty great too. [RollingStone]

Students are paying companies to find them jobs that don't pay. Maybe stay at Douche State U a couple more semesters there, Susie. [ChiTrib]

I didn't win the Mega Millions $370 million jackpot, and neither did you. Someone in Jersey and someone in Georgia, however, did win. If it's any consolation, money doesn't buy happiness! Oh wait, yes it does. [CNN]

Chicago sucks up super mega hard to the Olympic committee. Barrack Obama ("a political rock star"!) and the Art Institute! They're not fucking around. [SunTimes]

Don't forget to vote in the TOC Eat Out Awards, if only for the stellar name. [TOC]

Linkin with the Homies

2007-03-06T07:45:00.000-06:00

We are still trying to score The Olympics. I think that sounds like it would be a hot mess, but I totally want to beat LA. Go Chi! [CBS2]

Roeper nominates Ann Coulter for Idiot of the Year. While clearly Coulter is a vile waste of human substance, coming from Roeper this seems a bit Pot-Kettle-Black. [SunTimes]

Don't forget to buy a Mega Millions ticket today! Don't worry, I'll still blog tomorrow when I'm $355 million dollars richer. It'll keep me grounded. [ChicagoTribune]

A man intentionally crashed his plane into his former mother-in-law's house, killing himself and his young daughter. [CNN]

McDonalds looks to add smoothies, so you can wash your Big Mac and large fries down with something made from real food. Also coming soon, the Cinnamon Melt which is described as "a warm, pull-apart sweet roll with cinnamon glaze". Excuse me, I have to go cry into my bland, unfrosted oatmeal. [SunTimes]

Pulaski This

2007-03-05T08:26:00.000-06:00

An off-duty Chicago cop was stabbed Sunday morning outside a bar by a Lincoln Park gang. A Lincoln. Park. GANG. After the stabbing they fled in their Jettas to their parents condos in Lake Geneva. [ChicagoTribune]

Don't take the Dan Ryan. But why would you anyway? No one goes South. Indiana? Pshaw. [SunTimes]

The people who run the CTA don't ever take the CTA. How nice for them. It would be so unfortunate if they met with that Lincoln Park gang... [ChicagoTribune]

The cubs- still terrible. It's become such a reassuring constant, soothing even. [Chicagoist]

Oh WTF holiday, Casmir Pulaski Day. Aka an excuse for Cook County government to be lazy. ier. [ChicagoTribune]

New Slang

2007-03-05T08:00:00.000-06:00

When did this happen? When did the phrase "Douchebag" replace all other insults in our society? And why? Sure, it's fun to say. Douche. It has a sort of juvenille appeal with a grown up mentality, sort of like SouthPark (which helped popularize the phrase in their Douchebag vs. Turdsandwich election episode). And somehow it always applies. Drunk angry broker in a striped shirt hitting on you a bar? Cabdriver who can't pick a goddamn lane? Bloated orange guy driving a Hummer? All total Douchebags. It just works in so many situations! It's the ultimate catchall insult!

I was blissfully watching the Elliot Stabler Show a couple weeks ago, mesmerized by his furled brow and chemistry with Mariska. Sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous and they had caught a suspect, who the top ADA referred to as a "Douchebag". I figure once it's on network tv a word has reached the upper echelon of popularity and it therefore completely over. But now that the big D has taken over, nothing else seems as fun and effective. Dickhead? Eh. Asshat? Not bad, but still meh. Gawker tried to come up with an alternative, but the best they could come up with was "Twatwaffle". Terrible. Please, someone, show us what's next. How about Bartart? Cockwipe?

[Gawker]

Nostalgialicious

2007-02-28T08:05:00.000-06:00

In a Huge major shocking upset, Da Mare wins again. But seriously, he could be convicted of armed robbery and still get elected, right? Because we all love The Bean. [SunTimes]

The Reader looks back at coverage of our Beloved Barrack dating waaaay back to 1995. Our favorite part is his being given advice to put his creamy caramel face on all campaign materials "so people don't see your name and think you're some big dark guy". Oh, the old days. [ChicagoReader]

And just to be fair, here's a look back at Hillary back when she was a preppy know-it-all Republican teen in Park Ridge, all straight A's and bobbysocks. "They didn't drink. Or smoke. Or stay out late. Or have sex." We like Barrack's stories better. [ChicagoMag]

Get yourself an alibi, you cheating lying jerkstore. For cheap too! [Chicagoist]

Marshall Field's loss is Neiman and Nordstroms gain. Macy's is still universally detested, and no one shops at Saks. [ChiTrib]

BYODouche

2007-02-27T08:22:00.000-06:00

I always forget douche-rock band Fall Out Boy is from Chicagoland. That makes me hate them less, but I still have issue with Pete Wentz. Is he hot in that lame bad boy way, or not hot in that lame bad boy way? Sigh... I'll have to google up that picture of his wang again to decide... [ChicagoMag]

$1.2 million raised for lung cancer by those willing to Climb the Cock. Kudos, suckers. [CBS2]

Teyonda Wertz demaded some Human Servicing from her employee Carlos Estes at the Drury Inn while on a state business trip. Related- is there anything creepier and less sexy than silk pajamas? Oh right, the Drury Inn. Shudder. [SunTimes]

If you're really bored today, I suppose you could vote. Or just plop on the couch and watch a Law and Order Marathon. Either way. [ChiTrib]

BYOB- it's one of so many things that make us better than NYC. Wait, they have it too? Well, they don't have Tango Sur. [TOC]

Just Like a Mini-mall

2007-02-26T14:28:00.000-06:00

From Entertainment Correspondent Miss Banyay comes this piece of small market commercial genius made famous by YouTube. Peter Francis Geraci and Harlem Furniture need to take notes.

Morning Linkage

2007-02-21T07:28:00.000-06:00

In a very sad case a dog was electrocuted walking through Grant Park. The horrible, sad, hilarious twist? The dogs name was Smokey. [ChicagoTribune]

We might be getting a new expressway, It would form a ring connecting the Kennedy, Dan Ryan (I thought they were the same road?), and TriState. No snark on this one, I think it sounds like kind of a good idea. Though I do imagine it will be dubbed "the circle of death" after the first big snowstorm pile up. [Chicagoist]

Cubs sign Zambrano to a one year, $12.4 million deal. They will still suck. [SunTimes]

Carsons closes, Lord & Taylor and Macy's to follow. The good news? A little bird told me that the word on the street is that there might possibly be a Target going in WaterTower. Sounds crazy... Crazy awesome! [CBS]

Ciao Chief Illiniwek. Drunken U of I frat boys will have to learn a new dance. [NBC5]

The 815 area code nightmare has begun. If you don't hear from your parents and grandparents for awhile, it's because they can't figure out how to dial out. [WREX Rockford]

OMFG Ya'll!

2007-02-20T16:31:00.001-06:00

Heeeeeey ya'll! It's me, Britney! What. is. UP yaaaaaaall?! I just wanted to let ya'll know that you won't be seeing this Big Bad Bald Biotch for a lil while. See I gots to go get the treatment, to get off the Wild Turkey and nose-candy. It has been a crazy ride these past couple months ya'll. Do you mind if I smoke? See, it all started when I kicked Kevkev out. At first I was SO excited ya'll. I mean, I hadn't had a moment to just be Britney for such a long time ya'll! And at first it was So Fuuun. My manger Larry Rudy took me back, and we went ice skating in Rockafella Place and went shopping at the Gap and I got to eat with silverware and he took me to get my hairs cut. It was so nice. Then me and Paris started hanging out, and everyone loves her for being a pantyless slut, so I thought that you would all love me for baring my bukiluki, but you didn't yall. Ya'll laughed at me. And those laughs hurt. Paris wouldn't take my calls and Sean Preston and Braden or Jaden or Sutton or whatever I named him wouldn't stop crying and JUSTIN BROKE UP WITH THE AMAZON SKANK BUT STILL WON'T TAKE ME BACK AND WE ALL GO A LITTLE CRAZY SOMETIMES, YA KNOW!? Sorry. Anyway, ya'll didn't love me, but the pills and booze did. For a little while. But today I put on a green wig and tried to leave the house to buy Kools and tequilla, and Mama blocked the door and told me I have to get clean or she'll give my kids to Jamie Lynn. And I said I don't think she can do that, but I was so tired I laid down to take a nap, and next thing I know I'm in PromiseLand or something. So, I'm just gonna relax and let my hair grow back, and I'll see ya'll in 28! Have fun with the Anna Nicole Smith thing!

Britney loses mind/hair

2007-02-17T23:06:00.000-06:00

This really has been the quickest public downward spiral ever. I guess her stock started to drop the fuck off around 2003 when she stopped brushing her hair and started walking into gas station bathrooms sans footwear, but she seemed to be at least maintaining until a couple weeks ago. I guess what goes around really does come around, and then it makes you lose your mind and shave your head. Or something like that.

[PerezHilton, who is pretty much updating this non-stop]

Happy Singles Awareness Day!

2007-02-14T08:32:00.000-06:00

Oh Feb. 14th, how I miss the innocent days when I looked forward to you as a fun grade-school holiday, filled with candy, My Little Pony cards and class-interupting craft projects. But alas, those days are gone and now this day is one of contempt. Well not really, more annoyance, and I dislike any holiday that requires people to feel or plan something. You'd think this would be easier as a single person, but unfortunately we poor solitary singles are forced to plan an alternative evening, one that highlights that how we are really not pathetic but rather Fabulous and look just how Amazing we are! Delicious fancy dinners with a group of girlfriends, getting shit-faced and finding a random V-day companion at Hye Bar, having friends over for a mani-pedi and "Fatal Attraction"viewing, all these activites only serve to acknowledge the very Hallmark-holiday they are organized to give the big Fuck You to. So, I am planning an alternative alternate. From this post on, I am completely ignorant of the fact that today is anything other than Wednesday. I suggest, unless you really like Glenn Close or one night stands, which I suspect you might, that you do the same. Who put a freaking holiday in February anyway? We should all be hibernating right now.

Snow Day

2007-02-13T08:06:00.000-06:00

Congrats on choosing the best career, teachers. Seriously, kudos on that. Besides only having to work around 83 actually days a year (71 on strike years) you may be the only adults with unexpected *bonus* vaca days. So while the rest of us are out shuffling around today, trying to get to work on impassable pile-up prone expressways or slushy crowded public transportation, you all get to curl back up into a happy little ball warm in your comfy beds.

Excuse me, I have to go google 'masters in education'... I just may be willing to teach your germ infested little bastard if it means Adult Snow Days...

Afternooner

2007-02-07T16:49:00.000-06:00

Have I mentioned how much I love the Gawker Subway Smell Map? Well, I do. [Gawker]

I had no idea Barrack is a smoker. What a bad boy! Yeah, I really do find him even more attractive now. [CBS]

Chicago magazine suggests giving your booty call a last minute getaway. I suggest a cock ring and a bottle of jack. You make the choice. [ChicagoMag]

The least scary movie villians ever. I was such a wussy child the witch in "The Last Unicorn" terrified me. [thephatphree]

Vote for a felon! Only in Chicago. [SunTimes]

American Idolfreude

2007-02-06T15:59:00.000-06:00

scha·den·freu·de [shahd-n-froi-duh]
–noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune

We lack an English word for Schadenfreude, literally in German 'harm joy', but the delicious tingling pleasure of seeing anothers misfortune has managed to become to the 00s what apathy was to the 90s. What is it about seeing another person suffering and making an ass of themself that gets us so hot and bothered? Does seeing other people fail make us feel better about our own lack of talent, style and physical attractiveness? We love it when celebrities get busted, politicians get caught, and the rich go bankrupt, but we also love seeing regular people get taken down a peg.

The American Idol auditions that have been airing 68 hours a week on Fox are a prime example of our national schadenfeudic obsession. Why watch someone with a terrible voice attempt to belt out a Christina Aguilera song and then get ridiculed by psudo-celebrity judges? For the humor of it, and to enjoy the fact that you might be a talentless slob, but at least you're not making a fool of yourself on national television. And aren't the contestants just asking for it, knowing that they aren't going to be taken to Hollywood but desperate for their 15 minutes of fame in whatever form they can get it. Makes you long for the days when you could watch contestants dry-heave from eating pig testicles on Fear Factor.

A case of the Mondays

2007-02-05T14:44:00.000-06:00

Did you hear? We didn't win the Superbowl. And it's either Rexy's fault, or it isn't. [Chicago Tribune has some limited coverage]
Wondering what happens to all those Bears Superbowl Champions t-shirts? Well, that slap in the face is on it's way to Nigeria or Haiti right now. [Chicagoist]
Do NOT go outside! Don't do it man! It hurts so bad out there! [SunTimes]
Really, just don't venture outside until Friday, when the MusicBox is showing The Rocky Horror Picture Show just in time for Valentine's Day. [MidnightMadness]
Headline of the Week: "Fiery objects fall from sky". That, along with the KFed commercial being perhaps one of the best, means that the apocalypse is nigh [ChicagoTribune]

Nightlife Review: Republic & Underground

2007-02-02T16:12:00.000-06:00

Nightlife Correspondent Shadestein stays up late and downs copious amounts of Redbull to find out what's worth checking out, and what should really be in Arlington Heights.

I don't know how fair of a review this will be as I only stayed for 8 minutes and ½ of a vodka redbull, but that time and partial drink was all I need to determine I would never return to Republic – Chicago's newest "ultra lounge"

Thursday night was the preview/friends and family/invite only party at Republic. Having been to these sort of events in the past, I was looking forward to the night as the crowd is usually top notch at theses parties before the general public is allowed in. HOWEVER, the general public would have been better than Schaumburg-esque, suburban, 19 year old, straight off the Metra, 1999 club spiked hair crowd that was waiting on line to get in. Clearly I don't wait on lines, so after giving about 42 dirty looks to the little kids on line, we walked up to the front, handed our passes over and then faced the BBBB (big bad black bouncer) who took his job of IDing everyone more seriously than anyone else I have ever seen. He literally held our IDs up to our faces for at least a minute each. After 30 seconds, I said "dude, I'm double the age of all the morons in line, let's move this along" He did.

The place itself looks nice. I saw it empty the night before and there was potential. There's a smallish room when you first walk in and it opens up into a giant second room. If you are in the first room, you get to hear a nice mix of the music from both rooms blending into each other. There's nothing like having a conversation whilst hearing a DJ Sammy song from 2001 mixed in with Lil John. I mean if it was an intentional "mash up" it might get creativity points, but this is strictly due to a bad set-up. Anyway, we moved into the main room, with our drink – there are a few bottle service tables surrounding the dance floor. This is the type of place where I'd laugh at anyone getting a table, buying a bottle(s), or for that matter committing more than a half hour to the place. It's not a place to see and be seen, it's a place to see and get the fuck out.

Pros: Its cool looking when it's empty. The bathrooms have nice stalls
Cons: Crowd, drinks in plastic cups, music, BBBB.

Anyway, after the 8 minutes were up, we left and went to Underground which although is more like a Disney theme-bar disguised as a cool club, is pretty much the only place to go in Chicago right now. We did swing by RiNo for a few minutes, and that place is OvEr Bring on Martini Park. Or, bring me a flight back to Miami.

T.G.I.F.-What a totally great restaurant that is.

2007-02-02T15:22:00.000-06:00

Punxsutawne Phil so totally comes through for us. What a great little guy. [CNN]

More a crabby QB than a punky one, Sexy Rexy starts to lose his shit over the Superbowl media onslaught. [ChicagoTribune]
Having finally scrolled through all the very important Bears related news, we finally found the um.. less pertinent news. There was a pipe bomb in the Loop. Stuff like that. [SunTimes]
The best chicken wings of Chicago. We're Yak-zies people over at SCK. [Citysearch]
Bears couture. Yeah, pretty much what we thought it would look like. Where the fuck is Tim Gunn when you need him? [More SunTimes. They are killing in Bears coverage]

It's almost, but not quite, Friday

2007-02-01T09:32:00.000-06:00

Hipsters have been going crazy for David Lynch's latest film, now playing at the MusicBox. They have been going as far as to wait in line. Outside. In the cold, with only their sense of superiority to keep them warm. I'd go see it, but I don't wait in line with hipsters. [MusicBox]

The French are banning smoking and considering allowing naps on the job. They are SO trying to be us. Copy-cats. [Yahoo]

You now have no excuse not to spend your Saturday at the Art Institute. Quit lazing around, you worthless hungover fatty, and go learn something. [ArtInstitute]

Three new restaurants that look so good, I think I just came in my mouth. [ChicagoReader]

Giving new meaning to "Colon Blow"

2007-01-31T15:41:00.000-06:00

Embattled alderwoman Arenda Troutman has not had a very cleansing year so far. She was arrested in early January for allegedly accepting bribes, her possible love affair with Black Disciple Donnell "Scandalous" Jehan came into the news, and her family might have ties to the ubiquitous Hired Truck scandal. Now, things are getting even more clogged up for Troutman, as the FBI is investigating her digestion aids. Troutman alleges the FBI knows a white powder siezed from her home is not drugs, but rather a dietary supplement, and they are trying to ruin her otherwise pristine name. The FBI says they aren't done testing.

All this reminds me of the hilarious classic episode of AbFab, where Patsy gets arrested in the airport with a white powder. After testing reveals it is a harmless substance, Patsy demands they test it again because she cannot accept she has been snorting baking soda all weekend. Oh those Brits.

[ChicagoTribune]

[The breaking scandal, SunTimes]

Link it up

2007-01-31T07:37:00.000-06:00

Aw! Bears helmets on the Art Institute lions! We'll have to go there and take a photo. If only they fit... Screw this, lets go see the bean. [ChicagoTribune]

Related: If you ever wondered, as I did, how they light up them buildings so neat with words and stuff, the Tribune has answers. [ChicagoTribune]

Everyone likes boobs. Radar tracks our national obsession. [Radar]

Harry Potter is grown up and staring, naked, in a play with a horse? Hot. My fav is BWE dubbing him "white D'Angelo". [BWE]

Tyra Banks still talking about her weight, defending her weight, saying her weight doesn't matter. Tyty, if you don't care about it stop talking about it. We were already over it... well... I guess we were never really into it. [TMZ]

American Idol to replace current Trainwreck Paula Abdul with former/eternal Trainwreck Courtney Love? That we would watch, if only for the interaction between CLove and Seacrest. [UsMagazine]

Link it good

2007-01-30T08:04:00.000-06:00

Could someone please give Manase Latu his own tv show now? [Chicagoist]
WBBM learns that even Bears-crazy fans don't care to know the minutes and seconds until the Superbowl while watching their stories. [ChicagoTribune]
This blog makes us desperately wish LPTrixie.com were still up and running. [TheTrixie]
KFed loves fast food workers, but his ex-checksigner loves them more. [People]

And on that note, we proudly present the KFed superbowl commercial. Not bad really, and it features his best rap song to date.

And we're back...

2007-01-30T07:48:00.000-06:00

Apologies for the extra long weekend break, I was across the country cavorting in the fabulous non-city of LA. Having gorged myself on In-N-Out burgers, Coffee Bean ice-blendeds and ocean air, I feel rejuvenated and rehabed like a Lohan. I will now commence bringing you the snark, and with a new motto of 96% more Chicago, and far fewer links to Paris Hilton stories. I promise.

Early Bird Links

2007-01-24T16:45:00.000-06:00

Paris Hilton kissing girls, flashing her junk, smoking joints and tampons. My personal fav is one of her friends covered in a mountain of coke, because I too know the only way to really do blow is off a fat dude's body. [Radar]
Isaiah Washington is off to some sort of behavioral rehab. Uh, sure. [UsMagazine]
Aniston pays a visit to Dr. Raj, the man credited with making Ashley Simpson do-able. Anyone have a number for that guy? Not for me, for a... friend.... yeah.... [Socialitelife]
Oh whew! Ryan Reynolds has an excuse I could totally use. [ICYDK]

Still Classier than Packers fans

2007-01-24T16:02:00.000-06:00

All of Chicago is abuzz with Superbowl excitement, the Will Smith classic "Going to Miami" is being played non-stop, along with about 18 versions of the Superbowl Shuffle, but it can't all be fun and terrible music. Because in every group there's at least 2 idiots. They like to team up and get all racial after a few too many Coors Lights. Is this really Da Mayors fault? The man can bulldoze an airport in the middle of the night, but it hardly seems like its his job to keep white trash from making Katrina references.

Also, what is up with the pregnant women pulling Bears stunts? First the induced labor before game day, and now a woman is selling ad space on her pregnant stomach. I mean, that fetus isn't paying off just hanging out in there...

[Advertise on my unborn, SunTimes]
[ChicagoTribuneblog]
[More classy fans. ChicagoTribune]

We link so you don't have to

2007-01-23T17:50:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Jared Leto's constant douchebaggery, our perception of Jordan Catallano is forever tainted. [UsMagazine]

I never realized how much Victoria Beckham looks like a drag queen, specifically the beloved Hedwig. [SocialiteLife]

Fix yourself girl! [CW]

"Barry" Obama's High School Yearbook photo. Not bad, not bad at all. [Gawker]

Aniston and Cox are going to get all 'bien in order to save overhyped FX trainwreck 'Dirt'. That may be the least hot lesbian scenario we've heard. [NYP]

Oscar doesn't like Borat

2007-01-23T08:08:00.000-06:00

Or Dreamgirls. The most exciting moment of the year for film dorks (yes, this kitty included) has just passed, and with nervous anticipation I continually refreshed CNN.com. There's the predictable (Babel, Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep), the unpredicatable and exciting (Little Miss Sunshine, and um... well it's the Oscars, it's all predictable). Dreamgirls was shut out for best picture, and the Jim Carrey Award goes to Sasha Baron Cohen for winning the Golden Globe but failing to get nominated, although curiously his screenplay for Borat was. Borat had a screenplay? Really?

Full Nominations [CNN]

The most perfect day in the history of Chicago...

2007-01-22T11:37:00.000-06:00

...is today. There's a little bit of snow on the ground, the sun is shining as much as it can in January, the world looks bright and the Bears are in the Superbowl. The best reason to celebrate, ever, is a Chicago sports team in the big game. However, in your dizzying happiness over Sexy Rexy's amazing interception-free performance, there are a couple of things to avoid. Do not overturn a squad car, don't reference Katrina, and don't shuffle your ass into freezing cold Lake Michigan. It's not worth it man.

"Three rescued from Lake" [ChicagoTribune]

Update:

Also, don't induce Labor so your husband can watch the game.

[SportsIllustrated]

Breaking!

2007-01-17T17:37:00.000-06:00

In "It was just a matter of time" breaking news, young trainwreck Lindsay Lohan has entered rehab. Cheers to her, or rather not. But really what I am most interested in is the speed with which the gossips have been reporting this news. UsWeekly has the most info up first, then Perez. People, E!, CNN, and the AP Wire have nothing, although apparently someone named Pookie Hudson has died. Cmon traditional media! Get with the (12-step) program!

Update!

UsWeekly is reporting that she is at Wonderland Center in Los Angeles' Laurel Canyon, which our Rehab Insider tells us is a relatively new facility run by a pervy old guy who loves celebrities. Sounds like LiLo will do well there.

[UsMagazine]

[PerezHilton]

Hump Day Linkage

2007-01-17T09:02:00.000-06:00

The cast of Grey's Anatomy could use some Sensitivity Training. [CNN]
Cameron Diaz loses it on Timberlake at the Globes. Oh honey, just go home, plop on your couch for a few days in your schlumpiest Juicy sweatsuit, eat non-stop and watch Bridget Jones. It will be ok. [NYP]
Tom Brady scores Giselle. Aw, we always liked him with Natasha. [TMZ]
Brad and Angelina move to N'awlins. I imagine she'll probably be able to find some charity work to do there. [Yahoo]
Matthew McConaughey is a strange bird. And we love him. [People]

Suppertime Links

2007-01-16T19:07:00.000-06:00

Trump decides not to give Chicagoans a deal. [ChicagoTribune]
I have a huge head. I have to buy special hats. But seeing the freakshow noggin on Perez Hilton, I feel better about myself. [PerezHilton]
Britney pukes peanut butter on her new man. Don't look at the link. Don't do it! (ok, just be sure to scroll down) [x17] and [NYP]
LBJ killed JFK? We'll wait for the History Channel special. [NYP]
Hilary Duff digs the Horse drugs, and clearly, horse teeth. [Gawker]

I admit it, I had a "Molly"

2007-01-16T18:16:00.000-06:00

American Girl place, the little Wisconsin company that could, has plans to take over the south, and then the east, and eventually the World. Toys are excellent things, and back in my day I don't think I met a doll I didn't like (except Baby Alive, creepy bitch), but doesn't there just seem to be something somehow wrong about American Girl? Is it the sight of overzealous tourists clammering to get inside the Michigan Ave outpost, is it the $87 doll with her $40 outfit with matching $52 outfit for your spoiled youngster and don't forget the $118 canopy bed! (prices in real amounts) No, it has to be the "Just Like You" dolls which you customize to look, that's right, just like you. "Every girl can find a doll to match her spirit and look—inside and out." They clone your childs spirit and inject it in a similar looking plastic toy. Who wants to play with a doll that looks just like them? Isn't the idea to have outrageous standards in dolls, like Barbie's long blond hair, big blue eyes and impossible figure? Yeah, I know, in 10-20 years when I have my own screaming brat I'll buy her an American Girl to win her love and attempt to make up for my frigid parenting. But she's getting one of the 3 ethnic dolls.

[ChicagoTribune]

[AmericanGirl]

Media in the Morning

2007-01-16T09:06:00.000-06:00

Bridget Jones and Dylan McKay a couple? It could work! [SocialiteLife]
The Golden Globes were given out last night. Recap: Jennifer Hudson, Babel, Ugly Betty, Maria Menoulououos is an idiot, Borat. Is it weird that we think Sasha Baron Cohen is kinda hot? [CNN]
And they all wore clothes. With varying degrees of success. [EOnline]
David Beckham and that skinny robot who follows him around are planning their move to Hollywood and gossip columnists everywhere are freaking the fuck out. [People][TMZ]
Britney and her new thug spend $40,000 on one night in Vegas. Lets hope at least some of that went toward hygiene. [People]

Miami, you've got style

2007-01-15T15:44:00.000-06:00

A special report from our Nightlife Correspondent Shadestein:

10 Days in Miami

ok
Last Saturday arrived in Miami at 11:30. Checked into the hotel, had some cocktails, snorted a few Ritalin, went to Space at 3. Dropped 4 pills and rocked it on the terrace until 12:30. Went back to the hotel, showered changed, walked along the beach until about 8PM, went back to the hotel chilled, went to Nikki Beach. Passed out on one of the beds, woke up, drank a few vodka redbulls, blasted a rail of sand, went back to the hotel. Slept until Monday at 9PM, got up, ate pizza, rolled over to Tantra at about 12. Smashed. Met a girl from Berlin -- made a few holocaust jokes, took me back to her place at 4, cocaine, redbull, and Germans don't mix. It was a good night. Made it back to the hotel at some point Tuesday afternoon. Slept until around 9. Ate pizza. Went to Santo at about 12. Completely delirious, I spent about 2 hours talking to a shemale and asked her about her childhood. It was interesting. Decided my time could be spent better. Met a smoking hot latin chick who spoke four words of english. Don't remember any of what she said. Finally made it to the hotel at some point. My buddy was passed out on the floor -- woke him up, got our bags packed and bounced to our work conference in Downtown Miami.
Checked into the hotel there, wired the fuck up, ran into the director of my org. who just shook his head at me and "advised" me to be on time for the awards dinner. Made it on time. Slept through the entire thing. Didn't do shit Wednesday night. Meetings all day Thursday. Some married dudes wanted to go to Gold Rush, so I joined them. They dropped at least $2000, I spent $20, got four free lapdances from this Italian broad as well as a phone number the promise of banging on Saturday when she was out of work. Bounced back to the hotel. Meetings all day Friday. Friday night company cruise and open bar party at Nikki Beach. All fucked up, pissed off about 50 coworkers from around the world. Snuck out and went to Twilo for Tenaglia. Had to bounce on the early side, but it was rockin. Early meetings on Saturday; passed out until mid-afternoon. Had some lunch, watched the games, drank vodka redbulls. Rolled over to Mansion, decent bitches, rocked it until nearly closing time. Went over to Space for the terrace. Met the Italian broad at 6:45. Rocked it at Space until 10. Back to the hotel. Made it to the airport. Made it to Chicago. Made it to work today.

We are exhausted just reading that, and feel a strange urge to chew the inside of our cheeks. Thank you Shadestein!

Lindsay does what she does best

2007-01-15T15:13:00.000-06:00

If you believe the very informative web sources, in the past year young Lindsay Lohan has been: hospitalized 7 times, engaged to Harry Morton, obsessed with Harry Morton, dumped by Harry Morton, anorexic, coke-bloated, a cutter, friends with Paris, beaten up by Paris, in AA, carrying vodka in water bottles, OD'ing at the Chateau Marmont, appendix-less, adequite, looking to Al Gore for help, snorting strawberry quik cut with cocaine, losing jewelry in Birkins, sleeping with Stavros Nachos, a fan of Proactive, tweaking out in her car at 6 a.m. over imaginary paparazzi, and fire-crotched. I'm sure only about 7/8ths of those stories are true. But it does bring up the question, are starlets today more a mess, or do we just know more about it? What fascinating things were the stars of yesterago doing that TMZ missed capturing? Marilyn on a drug run in the Valley in her sweats? Audrey stumbling out of a club at 4 a.m.? Close-ups of Veronica Lakes track-marks? Oh, what could have been if we had lost our standards years ago...

[HollywoodTuna]

Weekend Links

2007-01-12T21:40:00.000-06:00

Paula Adbul was even drunker than usual this morning. [TMZ]
Queer Eye is done (aw), but Tim Gunn will be in to fill their fabulous shoes. [UsMagazine]
Claire Danes scores a new gay boyfriend. [NYDailyNews]
Sure, it's easy to judge others when you're dead. [CNN]
Well, he seems cleaner. And he's Jewish. Yeah, Britney, he's an improvement on K-Fed. Now go shower. [People]

CTA: get it the fuck together

2007-01-10T17:20:00.000-06:00

The joys of public transportation. Shuffling into an overpacked, hot, dirty El car. Dealing with all array of random crazies, scammers, vagrants, stinky people and Loyola students. Blankly staring at the train map overhead, trying to decipher Spanish advertisments, or, worse yet, reading the RedEye in order to avoid awkward eye contact with your fellow passengers. Every now and then something exciting happens, a drug-deal gone awry or a drunk dude collapsing, but basically it's just one of the unpleasant necessities of living in the City. Which is how we looked at it until this past summer, when the trains began arriving 30 minutes after we reached the platform, stopping on the tracks for goddamn Ever, and basically making us even later than we always are. Naturally, everyone got pissed. A series of articles appeared in the RedEye (which isn't that fun? reading about how awful the El is while sitting stopped in an El car?), and people switched to the bus or just got angrier on the train. Now comes news that we have 2 more years of sketchy El service to look forward to, the trains are going to run backwards around the loop, and will be running on 3 tracks instead of 4.

There really has to be a better way than this. By the time the new El is up and barely running, Northsiders will have figured out alternative transportation. Suggestions, hilarious El stories, or if you would like to start a carpool: please comment.

[ChicagoTribune]

Afternooner

2007-01-10T15:08:00.000-06:00

Link me in the Morning

2007-01-10T08:25:00.000-06:00

If you needed further proof that You have terrible taste, we give you the People's Choice Award winners. Jennifer Aniston? Cameron Diaz? Cmon, You, really? [CNN]
Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood are a couple. Sometimes it's just so wrong it is somehow right. [People]
The worst parents of the year. No, it's not Britney and KFed. [TimesTribune]
Stephen Colbert and Bill O'Reilly to trade shows. That will be the first and only time I watch The O'Reilly Factor. [Yahoo]
Cumming all over matrimony. And check out that guest list![AP]

Evenin Linkin

2007-01-09T17:55:00.000-06:00

My RAZR and Ipod Nano, so cool just a moment ago, now look like utter shit next to the IPhone. [Gawker]
Sienna Millers MILFy mama is so much hotter than she is. [PerezHilton]
Mandy Moore is dating that guy who used to try to get Nicole Richie to eat. Better him than the Valderamamama. [UsMagazine]
The Golden Pajibas. Really, they didn't like Little Man? [Pajiba]
More about Screech's schlong than you ever, Ever wanted to know. [HollywoodRag]

Dumber than Drudge...

2007-01-09T17:43:00.000-06:00

...but ever so slightly. This illustration accompanied a CNN story about the wildfires in Malibu.
It was eventually taken down and replaced with a story about Suzanne Somers' house being one of the homes destroyed, but I think it deserves a special place in our hearts for being Informative, Relevant, and for the excellent use of the Flame icon.

[CNN]

A cup of coffee and some links

2007-01-09T07:36:00.000-06:00

Orlando Bloom pees [TMZ]
How to tell the Davis brothers apart. Not that you would ever really need to, but Gallery of the Absurd is Amazing.[GalleryoftheAbsurd]
Angie is back on the smack? [PageSix]
Rosie O'Donnell now just fighting anyone in sight [PerezHilton]
Clubbing really is the best way to recover from semi-invasive surgery. Trust me. [UsMagazine]

Obama with a 'B'

2007-01-08T14:43:00.000-06:00

So what is a rising star Senator to do when the tough drug questions come up? Deny deny deny or just admit they not only inhaled but snorted/freebased/stuck some pills up their butt? We're not implying Barrack Obama was ever rolling hardcore on the E, we all know he preferred the nose-candy, but it does raise some interesting questions. Especially since he has chosen the honesty path. What does it matter what someone tried 25 years ago? Is he a political dummie for admitting the truth, or is it extremely refreshing in an era of thinly veiled political lies? No one believed Clinton or W, so why not just come out and tell the truth? His truth strategy seems to have made this a non-issue, so perhaps sometimes the way to avoid a scandal is to beat your opponents to the punch.

And also, what are you going to tell your kids when they ask about your drug use? I'm not looking at you Susie Straightlace, I'm looking at you, Pete Doherty-wannabe. Especially when their Auntie Kat comes over to warp their sweet little minds with old photos of you with that gold straw up your nose.

[SunTimes]

Nooner

2007-01-08T14:01:00.000-06:00

New York stinks. [CNN]
The premiere of The Apprentice managed to beat Family Guy. Reruns. It lost to everyone else. [Zap2it]
Angelina calls The Chosen One a "blob" [Us Weekly]
Don't extort from the Big O [EOnline]

Something for your weekend

2007-01-06T01:05:00.000-06:00

Gossipy:

-If by "appendicitis" you mean "stomach pumping", then yes, that's what Lindsay Lohan had. [Idontlikeyouinthatway]
-Beyonce's poppin. [GoFugYourself]
-Wait. Wait. Chris Kattan is straight? Huh, totally didn't see that. [People]

Metro:
-Soon the entire south loop will be a College Ubercampus [Chicago Tribune]
-You can still eat cruel liver, if that's your thing. It's your karma, not mine. [Metromix]
-Hey you! You sexy young single gorgeous clever hipster! Yes, you! Nominate yourself, I dare ya. [ChicagoMagazine]