Giving new meaning to "Colon Blow"

Embattled alderwoman Arenda Troutman has not had a very cleansing year so far. She was arrested in early January for allegedly accepting bribes, her possible love affair with Black Disciple Donnell "Scandalous" Jehan came into the news, and her family might have ties to the ubiquitous Hired Truck scandal. Now, things are getting even more clogged up for Troutman, as the FBI is investigating her digestion aids. Troutman alleges the FBI knows a white powder siezed from her home is not drugs, but rather a dietary supplement, and they are trying to ruin her otherwise pristine name. The FBI says they aren't done testing.

All this reminds me of the hilarious classic episode of AbFab, where Patsy gets arrested in the airport with a white powder. After testing reveals it is a harmless substance, Patsy demands they test it again because she cannot accept she has been snorting baking soda all weekend. Oh those Brits.

[ChicagoTribune]

[The breaking scandal, SunTimes]

Link it up

• Aw! Bears helmets on the Art Institute lions! We'll have to go there and take a photo. If only they fit... Screw this, lets go see the bean. [ChicagoTribune]

Related: If you ever wondered, as I did, how they light up them buildings so neat with words and stuff, the Tribune has answers. [ChicagoTribune]

• Everyone likes boobs. Radar tracks our national obsession. [Radar]


• Harry Potter is grown up and staring, naked, in a play with a horse? Hot. My fav is BWE dubbing him "white D'Angelo". [BWE]


• Tyra Banks still talking about her weight, defending her weight, saying her weight doesn't matter. Tyty, if you don't care about it stop talking about it. We were already over it... well... I guess we were never really into it. [TMZ]


• American Idol to replace current Trainwreck Paula Abdul with former/eternal Trainwreck Courtney Love? That we would watch, if only for the interaction between CLove and Seacrest. [UsMagazine]

Link it good

• Could someone please give Manase Latu his own tv show now? [Chicagoist]
• WBBM learns that even Bears-crazy fans don't care to know the minutes and seconds until the Superbowl while watching their stories. [ChicagoTribune]
• This blog makes us desperately wish LPTrixie.com were still up and running. [TheTrixie]
• KFed loves fast food workers, but his ex-checksigner loves them more. [People]

And on that note, we proudly present the KFed superbowl commercial. Not bad really, and it features his best rap song to date.

And we're back...

Apologies for the extra long weekend break, I was across the country cavorting in the fabulous non-city of LA. Having gorged myself on In-N-Out burgers, Coffee Bean ice-blendeds and ocean air, I feel rejuvenated and rehabed like a Lohan. I will now commence bringing you the snark, and with a new motto of 96% more Chicago, and far fewer links to Paris Hilton stories. I promise.

Early Bird Links

• Paris Hilton kissing girls, flashing her junk, smoking joints and tampons. My personal fav is one of her friends covered in a mountain of coke, because I too know the only way to really do blow is off a fat dude's body. [Radar]
• Isaiah Washington is off to some sort of behavioral rehab. Uh, sure. [UsMagazine]
• Aniston pays a visit to Dr. Raj, the man credited with making Ashley Simpson do-able. Anyone have a number for that guy? Not for me, for a... friend.... yeah.... [Socialitelife]
• Oh whew! Ryan Reynolds has an excuse I could totally use. [ICYDK]

Still Classier than Packers fans

All of Chicago is abuzz with Superbowl excitement, the Will Smith classic "Going to Miami" is being played non-stop, along with about 18 versions of the Superbowl Shuffle, but it can't all be fun and terrible music. Because in every group there's at least 2 idiots. They like to team up and get all racial after a few too many Coors Lights. Is this really Da Mayors fault? The man can bulldoze an airport in the middle of the night, but it hardly seems like its his job to keep white trash from making Katrina references.

Also, what is up with the pregnant women pulling Bears stunts? First the induced labor before game day, and now a woman is selling ad space on her pregnant stomach. I mean, that fetus isn't paying off just hanging out in there...

[Advertise on my unborn, SunTimes]
[ChicagoTribuneblog]
[More classy fans. ChicagoTribune]

We link so you don't have to

• Thanks to Jared Leto's constant douchebaggery, our perception of Jordan Catallano is forever tainted. [UsMagazine]


• I never realized how much Victoria Beckham looks like a drag queen, specifically the beloved Hedwig. [SocialiteLife]


• Fix yourself girl! [CW]


• "Barry" Obama's High School Yearbook photo. Not bad, not bad at all. [Gawker]


• Aniston and Cox are going to get all 'bien in order to save overhyped FX trainwreck 'Dirt'. That may be the least hot lesbian scenario we've heard. [NYP]

Oscar doesn't like Borat

Or Dreamgirls. The most exciting moment of the year for film dorks (yes, this kitty included) has just passed, and with nervous anticipation I continually refreshed CNN.com. There's the predictable (Babel, Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep), the unpredicatable and exciting (Little Miss Sunshine, and um... well it's the Oscars, it's all predictable). Dreamgirls was shut out for best picture, and the Jim Carrey Award goes to Sasha Baron Cohen for winning the Golden Globe but failing to get nominated, although curiously his screenplay for Borat was. Borat had a screenplay? Really?

Full Nominations [CNN]

The most perfect day in the history of Chicago...

...is today. There's a little bit of snow on the ground, the sun is shining as much as it can in January, the world looks bright and the Bears are in the Superbowl. The best reason to celebrate, ever, is a Chicago sports team in the big game. However, in your dizzying happiness over Sexy Rexy's amazing interception-free performance, there are a couple of things to avoid. Do not overturn a squad car, don't reference Katrina, and don't shuffle your ass into freezing cold Lake Michigan. It's not worth it man.


"Three rescued from Lake" [ChicagoTribune]


Update:

Also, don't induce Labor so your husband can watch the game.

[SportsIllustrated]

Breaking!

In "It was just a matter of time" breaking news, young trainwreck Lindsay Lohan has entered rehab. Cheers to her, or rather not. But really what I am most interested in is the speed with which the gossips have been reporting this news. UsWeekly has the most info up first, then Perez. People, E!, CNN, and the AP Wire have nothing, although apparently someone named Pookie Hudson has died. Cmon traditional media! Get with the (12-step) program!

Update!

UsWeekly is reporting that she is at Wonderland Center in Los Angeles' Laurel Canyon, which our Rehab Insider tells us is a relatively new facility run by a pervy old guy who loves celebrities. Sounds like LiLo will do well there.

[UsMagazine]

[PerezHilton]

Hump Day Linkage

• The cast of Grey's Anatomy could use some Sensitivity Training. [CNN]
• Cameron Diaz loses it on Timberlake at the Globes. Oh honey, just go home, plop on your couch for a few days in your schlumpiest Juicy sweatsuit, eat non-stop and watch Bridget Jones. It will be ok. [NYP]
• Tom Brady scores Giselle. Aw, we always liked him with Natasha. [TMZ]
• Brad and Angelina move to N'awlins. I imagine she'll probably be able to find some charity work to do there. [Yahoo]
• Matthew McConaughey is a strange bird. And we love him. [People]

Suppertime Links

• Trump decides not to give Chicagoans a deal. [ChicagoTribune]
• I have a huge head. I have to buy special hats. But seeing the freakshow noggin on Perez Hilton, I feel better about myself. [PerezHilton]
• Britney pukes peanut butter on her new man. Don't look at the link. Don't do it! (ok, just be sure to scroll down) [x17] and [NYP]
• LBJ killed JFK? We'll wait for the History Channel special. [NYP]
• Hilary Duff digs the Horse drugs, and clearly, horse teeth. [Gawker]

I admit it, I had a "Molly"

American Girl place, the little Wisconsin company that could, has plans to take over the south, and then the east, and eventually the World. Toys are excellent things, and back in my day I don't think I met a doll I didn't like (except Baby Alive, creepy bitch), but doesn't there just seem to be something somehow wrong about American Girl? Is it the sight of overzealous tourists clammering to get inside the Michigan Ave outpost, is it the $87 doll with her $40 outfit with matching $52 outfit for your spoiled youngster and don't forget the $118 canopy bed! (prices in real amounts) No, it has to be the "Just Like You" dolls which you customize to look, that's right, just like you. "Every girl can find a doll to match her spirit and look—inside and out." They clone your childs spirit and inject it in a similar looking plastic toy. Who wants to play with a doll that looks just like them? Isn't the idea to have outrageous standards in dolls, like Barbie's long blond hair, big blue eyes and impossible figure? Yeah, I know, in 10-20 years when I have my own screaming brat I'll buy her an American Girl to win her love and attempt to make up for my frigid parenting. But she's getting one of the 3 ethnic dolls.

[ChicagoTribune]

[AmericanGirl]

Media in the Morning

• Bridget Jones and Dylan McKay a couple? It could work! [SocialiteLife]
• The Golden Globes were given out last night. Recap: Jennifer Hudson, Babel, Ugly Betty, Maria Menoulououos is an idiot, Borat. Is it weird that we think Sasha Baron Cohen is kinda hot? [CNN]
• And they all wore clothes. With varying degrees of success. [EOnline]
• David Beckham and that skinny robot who follows him around are planning their move to Hollywood and gossip columnists everywhere are freaking the fuck out. [People][TMZ]
• Britney and her new thug spend $40,000 on one night in Vegas. Lets hope at least some of that went toward hygiene. [People]

Miami, you've got style

A special report from our Nightlife Correspondent Shadestein:

10 Days in Miami

ok
Last Saturday arrived in Miami at 11:30. Checked into the hotel, had some cocktails, snorted a few Ritalin, went to Space at 3. Dropped 4 pills and rocked it on the terrace until 12:30. Went back to the hotel, showered changed, walked along the beach until about 8PM, went back to the hotel chilled, went to Nikki Beach. Passed out on one of the beds, woke up, drank a few vodka redbulls, blasted a rail of sand, went back to the hotel. Slept until Monday at 9PM, got up, ate pizza, rolled over to Tantra at about 12. Smashed. Met a girl from Berlin -- made a few holocaust jokes, took me back to her place at 4, cocaine, redbull, and Germans don't mix. It was a good night. Made it back to the hotel at some point Tuesday afternoon. Slept until around 9. Ate pizza. Went to Santo at about 12. Completely delirious, I spent about 2 hours talking to a shemale and asked her about her childhood. It was interesting. Decided my time could be spent better. Met a smoking hot latin chick who spoke four words of english. Don't remember any of what she said. Finally made it to the hotel at some point. My buddy was passed out on the floor -- woke him up, got our bags packed and bounced to our work conference in Downtown Miami.
Checked into the hotel there, wired the fuck up, ran into the director of my org. who just shook his head at me and "advised" me to be on time for the awards dinner. Made it on time. Slept through the entire thing. Didn't do shit Wednesday night. Meetings all day Thursday. Some married dudes wanted to go to Gold Rush, so I joined them. They dropped at least $2000, I spent $20, got four free lapdances from this Italian broad as well as a phone number the promise of banging on Saturday when she was out of work. Bounced back to the hotel. Meetings all day Friday. Friday night company cruise and open bar party at Nikki Beach. All fucked up, pissed off about 50 coworkers from around the world. Snuck out and went to Twilo for Tenaglia. Had to bounce on the early side, but it was rockin. Early meetings on Saturday; passed out until mid-afternoon. Had some lunch, watched the games, drank vodka redbulls. Rolled over to Mansion, decent bitches, rocked it until nearly closing time. Went over to Space for the terrace. Met the Italian broad at 6:45. Rocked it at Space until 10. Back to the hotel. Made it to the airport. Made it to Chicago. Made it to work today.

We are exhausted just reading that, and feel a strange urge to chew the inside of our cheeks. Thank you Shadestein!