An open letter to Kenard Management:
I see you have been in the news lately… seems a young man died on your watch and we here at SCK cannot have that. As you might recall, Kat and I lived in that building back in 2002 and are all too familiar with the shoddy design of not only the units but also the decks. Decks which were such selling points for young urbanites like Kat and I (and especially Gary… who is SO GODDAMN URBAN) yearning for the opportunity to start a BBQ grill grease fire or to throw water balloons at the urinating Cubs fans in the alley below. But then, one drunken Sunday afternoon, KC almost fell through the railing that you installed to safeguard the inhabitants of your building from a fall. How’d that happen, you ask? It happened because the railings you installed are spaced so that anyone seated in a chair is mere inches from an unsightly tumble. It is an essential design flaw. I recall pointing this out to Angel, your flamboyant building superintendent, who mumbled something unintelligible and then resumed polishing his 20’ Lund Bass Master fishing’ boat. Let me tell you, that fucking boat sparkles. But, mine eyes sparkle no more… because your negligence has contributed to the death of a young man, and to that, I cannot abide. So, I am placing you on the “should’ve been a blowjob” list because it would seem that a young life would have been saved had you never been born. You join the ranks of Tara Reid, Rick Santorum, and the Git R Dun phenomenon.
Until next time… stay Klassy Kenard. And remember, I am watching you.
The Sun Times article (complete with picture!)
And the Tribune
I see you have been in the news lately… seems a young man died on your watch and we here at SCK cannot have that. As you might recall, Kat and I lived in that building back in 2002 and are all too familiar with the shoddy design of not only the units but also the decks. Decks which were such selling points for young urbanites like Kat and I (and especially Gary… who is SO GODDAMN URBAN) yearning for the opportunity to start a BBQ grill grease fire or to throw water balloons at the urinating Cubs fans in the alley below. But then, one drunken Sunday afternoon, KC almost fell through the railing that you installed to safeguard the inhabitants of your building from a fall. How’d that happen, you ask? It happened because the railings you installed are spaced so that anyone seated in a chair is mere inches from an unsightly tumble. It is an essential design flaw. I recall pointing this out to Angel, your flamboyant building superintendent, who mumbled something unintelligible and then resumed polishing his 20’ Lund Bass Master fishing’ boat. Let me tell you, that fucking boat sparkles. But, mine eyes sparkle no more… because your negligence has contributed to the death of a young man, and to that, I cannot abide. So, I am placing you on the “should’ve been a blowjob” list because it would seem that a young life would have been saved had you never been born. You join the ranks of Tara Reid, Rick Santorum, and the Git R Dun phenomenon.
Until next time… stay Klassy Kenard. And remember, I am watching you.
The Sun Times article (complete with picture!)
And the Tribune
