Miami, you've got style

A special report from our Nightlife Correspondent Shadestein:

10 Days in Miami

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Last Saturday arrived in Miami at 11:30. Checked into the hotel, had some cocktails, snorted a few Ritalin, went to Space at 3. Dropped 4 pills and rocked it on the terrace until 12:30. Went back to the hotel, showered changed, walked along the beach until about 8PM, went back to the hotel chilled, went to Nikki Beach. Passed out on one of the beds, woke up, drank a few vodka redbulls, blasted a rail of sand, went back to the hotel. Slept until Monday at 9PM, got up, ate pizza, rolled over to Tantra at about 12. Smashed. Met a girl from Berlin -- made a few holocaust jokes, took me back to her place at 4, cocaine, redbull, and Germans don't mix. It was a good night. Made it back to the hotel at some point Tuesday afternoon. Slept until around 9. Ate pizza. Went to Santo at about 12. Completely delirious, I spent about 2 hours talking to a shemale and asked her about her childhood. It was interesting. Decided my time could be spent better. Met a smoking hot latin chick who spoke four words of english. Don't remember any of what she said. Finally made it to the hotel at some point. My buddy was passed out on the floor -- woke him up, got our bags packed and bounced to our work conference in Downtown Miami.
Checked into the hotel there, wired the fuck up, ran into the director of my org. who just shook his head at me and "advised" me to be on time for the awards dinner. Made it on time. Slept through the entire thing. Didn't do shit Wednesday night. Meetings all day Thursday. Some married dudes wanted to go to Gold Rush, so I joined them. They dropped at least $2000, I spent $20, got four free lapdances from this Italian broad as well as a phone number the promise of banging on Saturday when she was out of work. Bounced back to the hotel. Meetings all day Friday. Friday night company cruise and open bar party at Nikki Beach. All fucked up, pissed off about 50 coworkers from around the world. Snuck out and went to Twilo for Tenaglia. Had to bounce on the early side, but it was rockin. Early meetings on Saturday; passed out until mid-afternoon. Had some lunch, watched the games, drank vodka redbulls. Rolled over to Mansion, decent bitches, rocked it until nearly closing time. Went over to Space for the terrace. Met the Italian broad at 6:45. Rocked it at Space until 10. Back to the hotel. Made it to the airport. Made it to Chicago. Made it to work today.

We are exhausted just reading that, and feel a strange urge to chew the inside of our cheeks. Thank you Shadestein!