Linkifornication

• Condoms are being kept out of prisons for fear that it would encourage sexual activity and homosexual behavior. Uh seriously. A bunch of angry rapists, murderers and general neer-do-wells caged up for years to life with no ladies to rape or things to rob. I doubt the introduction of condoms would somehow corrupt this environment. [Chicagoist]
• An in-depth look at Rock Paper Scissors. Yeaaaaah. Hopefully once it gets warm out things will start to pick up around here. Could someone please stab a baby or win a Superbowl or something? [ChicagoMag]
• She didn't stab her baby, but it's close enough. Little Melanie Beltran was tied up, burned, beaten, forced to eat hot peppers (!) and drink from the toilet. Happy Monday! [ChiTrib]
• Already Over: Underground [TOC]
• Stoned teenagers go to the Supreme Court to fight for their free speech right to hang a "Bong Hits for Jesus" banner. I would support them if it were somehow funnier. [ChiTrib]